How Ryoga met Your Mother
by Pangoria Fallstar
Summary: Ryoga Hibiki, now 52 years old, and a Master of Architect Martial Arts, brings his two teenage kids together, to tell them the story of how he met their mother. Fusion.
1. Chapter 1 revised

Disclaimer: I do not Own Ranma 1/2, How I Met Your Mother, or any characters belonging to those series. Any special guest or cameo characters are owned by their respective owners. This disclaimer brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.

How Ryoga Met Your Mother.

Chapter 1

Bright sunlight filters through the horizontal blinds of Ryoga's office. It is Sunday, and like usual, he is alone at work. His office is simple, with an oak desk, and a drawing mat on one part of the L shaped desk. He powers down the desktop computer, and gets up to stretch, relieving muscles that ache from being inert for too long. He passes his hand through his dark, graying hair, then grabs his jacket hanging off the back of his office chair.

Ryoga goes to leave, but is struck by tepid waves of nostalgia as he passes by a photo hanging next to the door. His breath catches in his throat. The old photo came up from one of thousands he stores in the electronic picture frame, along with some videos which he leaves on silent. He quickly reaches over to the frame, and pauses the slide-show. The photo is from 2009, when Ryoga was 31 years old. It was taken outside his apartment in New York, just weeks before he moved back to Japan.

Marshal is there, tall, charismatic, wild. Next to Marshal, his wife Lily, short, with long fiery red hair, and a crazy smile. To the right of Lily is a young Ryoga, his wild black hair shining in the sun. Next to him is Akane, with a confident smile, her short hair framing her angelic face. Standing next to Akane holding her hand is Ranma, with his pig-tailed hair and stupid smile, wearing his favorite suit with a red tie.

A few years before the photo was taken, when his parents decided to visit him in New York, Ryoga found out that they were divorced. Ryoga remembers asking his mother how she had met his father. She smiled at him, and simply stated they met in a bar. No cute story. No lessons to learn. No sense of time, or accomplishment. No connection. Nothing.

Ryoga made a promise that day. He promised that he would talk with his kids. They would not be lost out in the world because of some stupid curse. Ryoga promised that when they were ready, he would tell them how their parents met, how they came together, and he would tell them everything that led up to it, so that they would know and not make the same mistakes.

Sighing at the photo, Ryoga puts on his brown soft leather jacket, and leaves the office. He walks home down the streets of Fujinomiya. Still mostly untouched by the advances made throughout the years, Fujinomiya still feels very Japanese. In the distance Mount Fuji continues to stand, a testament to the solidity of Japan. It isn't quite tourist season, but in Fujinomiya, you really couldn't tell the difference. Even though Japan no longer houses any American bases, plenty of Marines still visit Mount Fuji to climb and hike. Others came by to see the different landmarks, and beautiful vistas still preserved and maintained throughout the district.

After an hour more of following electrical currents, Ryoga finds his way home. Three stories tall, and of his own design, it stands on the foundation of his old family home. Soft yellow panels, with stone decor, and columns. The outside wall is a short granite wall. Out back is a pig pen, where the family keeps their boars.

Ryoga gathers his kids into the living room, the sun has just set, and they both groan as they sit down. Both kids are in their mid-teens, about a year apart, with dark hair and fang-like canines, much like their father. "I have a story to tell you guys," Ryoga begins, "about how I met your mother."

"Dad, we've already heard the story," his son, Hogoshaku, interrupts him, "Mom told us about the umbrella already." Hogoshaku leans away from his older sister, hanging part way over the couch's arm rest, looking outside, past the patio, to the few boars they keep outside. A sudden shower, typical of the season, quickly made it difficult to see outside.

"Well, but you haven't heard the whole story yet," Ryoga grins like a cat who has just caught a canary. He walks over and closes the sliding patio door, not wanting to deal with any sudden winds blowing cold water on him and triggering his other curse.

"Do we have to listen to this," his daughter Kibouka, glares with a stare of a thousand angry teenage girls. Her dark black lips puckered in a pout she usually reserves for getting out of chores, or when avoiding questions of why she was out past two in the morning on a school night.

"Yes," Ryoga continues, after they groan again, "it all started back in 2005, I was twenty-seven years old." Ryoga sits down across from them, the coffee table between them is littered with small statues from all corners of the world. One of the statues blocks his view of his daughter, so he adjusts himself to lean to one side. He says, "I was just starting out as a Martial Arts Architect and living with my best friend from college, Marshal. Everything was fine, until Uncle Marshal had to mess everything up."

***

Marshal Erikson's hair was neatly parted down the middle of his large sweating head. His eyes were unfocused, as he pictured his girlfriend of nine years standing over him. He was kneeling down, looking up to his best friend since college, Ryoga Hibiki. In Marshal's hand was a small velvety case, open to reveal a diamond ring. Ryoga was smiling at Marshal, nodding his head. Ryoga said, "Yes, yes, perfect."

Marshal's heart constricted, relief washed over him like cascading waves, and the sweat factory in his pores closed down for lunch. Shaking the fears that continued to nest in his stomach, he stood up. Hopefully, it would go this smoothly with Lily later tonight. Marshal walked over to where he kept his jacket hung, and closed the case with the ring in it. He put it away, and turned to Ryoga, "I'm really nervous you know? Thanks for helping me plan this out." Marshal followed Ryoga into the the kitchen, and accepted a beer from his friend.

Ryoga looked up at Marshal, the difference between the two the same as when Marshal was kneeling, only now Marshal towered over Ryoga instead. Ryoga took a sip from his beer, "It's okay, I was there for all the big events in yours and Lily's lives, you know. The night you guys first met, your first date... other first things."

Marshal had the decency to blush remembering the night he had brought Lily over to their dorm room. They were all over each other like horny drunk soccer moms when Ryoga started complaining about nausea and being sea sick. Marshal also remembered that after Ryoga left the room to give them some privacy he ended up being lost for a week. Marshal apologized, "Yeah, sorry about that, we thought you were asleep."

Marshal laughed as Ryoga blushed a deep crimson, "It's physics Marshal, if the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves too." Ryoga tried to laugh at himself, but it came out only half hearted. Excitedly Ryoga changed the subject, "Kami, you're getting engaged tonight!"

Marshal's heart pounded like the fist of a Shaolin Monk defeating a gang of ghoulish girl scouts. Marshal imagined Lily saying yes to him. Her crimson hair hanging around him as she bent down to kiss him. If this went as perfectly as he imagined, he'd be eternally grateful to Ryoga. "Yeah," Marshal shook himself out of his reverie, "What are you doing tonight?"

***

Ryoga scoots his chair a bit to be able to sit back and still see both his children. They looked so bored, and for a moment his daughter seemed to be meditating with her eyes open. Ignoring her unfocused stare Ryoga continued, "Your Uncle Marshal was taking the biggest step in his life and what was I doing? I was meeting up with your Uncle Ranma at a bar."

***

Ranma sat at the bar of the Nekohanten, a bar downstairs from Ryoga's apartment. He checked his watch again, his face in an annoyed pout. He looked at the mirror behind the bar, using it to not only make sure his black pig-tailed hair was still perfect, but to keep an eye on the group of women who sat in the corner of the bar. The door of the Nekohanten opened, bringing outside light with it. A shadow of a young man entered, and as the door closed, Ranma finally gave a shout of recognition.

"Finally, I've been waiting for two hours Ryoga!" Ranma waved his friend over, ignoring his excuses.

"Sorry, I'm late, I got stuck in the elevator, the door never opened to the lobby. Eventually I got off on the second floor and walked upstairs to the 1st floor," Ryoga joined Ranma at the bar, and ordered himself a beer.

"You know how I have a thing for Japanese girls?" Ranma said to Ryoga, and without waiting for a nod in response, he continued with a toothy grin, "I have a new one, Chinese girls." Ranma took a sip of his drink and spoke matter-of-fact, "Chinese girls are the new Japanese."

Ryoga sighed, taking another sip from his beer, he hunched his shoulders and stared into nothing. He spoke as if from the back of his mind, "You know, ever since college it's been Marshal and Lily and me. Now it's going to be Marshal and Lily... and me. They'll get married, start a family- before long I'm the lost middle-aged bachelor their kids call 'Uncle Ryoga'."

Ranma's skin prickled as it felt the waves of depression emanating from Ryoga. Ranma looked at a beautiful Asian woman who had just walked in and sat down by herself. She was wearing a pale blue dress, with a loose top, designed to appear to be about to fall off, when in fact it covered everything essential. It was tight around her tight hips, and she had a bit of martial arts training, by the gait of her step, and the subtle tantalizing swish of her hips. With one eye on the target, he turned back to Ryoga, "I know what this is about. Don't you remember what I said to you the night we first met?"

Ranma could see Ryoga's eyes glaze over like they always did when he was remembering something. He laughed to himself as he saw the emotions of that night play across Ryoga's face. Finally Ryoga came out of his memory trance, blinking like a blinded buffoon.

"Don't even think about getting married until I'm thirty," Ryoga recited as if reading in front of a classroom.

Ranma's eyes crossed with annoyance. He blinked, and sighed, and moaned. He should not of been surprised that Ryoga wouldn't remember everything. Ranma said, "I meant the one about wearing a suit, although, now that I think about it, that rule can count towards this as well." Ranma took another drink from his beer, admiring the hint of lilac that reflected in the Asian woman's hair.

Ryoga sighed again, "You're right. I guess. I guess, it's just, when your best friend gets engaged you start thinking about that stuff."

Dark, phantoms haunted Ranma's eyes. They gleamed and glimmered with tears. His mouth opened and closed, suddenly dry and aching. He looked at Ryoga's face, trying to find what foul, mouth spoke such heinous words. "Ryoga, I'm your best friend. I thought, I was your best friend. Say, I'm your best friend."

Ryoga looked at Ranma through half lidded eyes, he spoke in a dead-pan tone, "Ranma, you're my best friend."

Instantly energized, Ranma gave Ryoga a sinister smile. "Good, and since," with a little more emphasis,"I am your best friend, I say we do a round of Anything-Goes Blind Dating."

Fear, dread, hope, annoyance, and disbelief played across Ryoga's face at the same time, becoming entangled in one another, leaving his face frozen with a horrendous look, disgusting to most, and funny to few. "Wai-no, no, no!" Ryoga tried to stop Ranma, but was easily evaded by Ranma's superior agility. In a forced whisper, Ryoga said, "We're not doing Anything-Goes Blind Dating!" Ryoga sighed, seeing he was too late.

Ranma tapped the Asian woman on her shoulder and as she turned around he smiled his patented "Saotome Trust Me" smile. With a flourish he said, "Have you met Ryoga?" Ranma quickly moved out of the way as the perplexed girl stared at Ryoga.

"Hi Ryoga," Ryoga stammered,"I mean, I'm Ryoga."

The woman smiled at him, "My name is Lin Lin." She invited him to join her at her table, which he did.

"That's a very pretty name," Ryoga smiled.

"Thanks, it's Chinese," Lin Lin returned his smile.

***

Ryoga sighed as he joined Ranma back at the bar. He found himself sighing too often today already, and was three sighs away from packing it in and going home. He apologized to Muu Tse, the bartender, for having flirted with his girlfriend. Muu Tse, took it well enough, saying he was used to guys hitting on her. Ryoga started wondering if he'd ever get used to it. First he'd need a serious girlfriend, then she'd need to be hot enough to get hit on. He wondered if he'd love her at that point, or if it would be something that was growing. He thought he would be jealous if they were engaged, or married. "Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? I'm not even ready to settle down!" Ryoga took a sip of his beer.

Ranma ignored Ryoga, while studying Muu Tse, "How does Muu Tse get a Chinese girl?"

Shallow breaths, came faster and faster as Ryoga lost himself over his beer. Ryoga's thoughts were a jumbled mess. He tried to sort it out, but found he needed to get them out of his head first. "It's always been 'don't even think about it til you're thirty'."

"Exactly!" Ranma sneered, "and his glasses are too thick!"

A twisting knot started in Ryoga's gut. Maybe even lower. His future was withering away in vermilion sand. Marshal and Lily have been together for nine years, and only now is Ryoga thinking about marriage. He thought he'd have a steady girlfriend by now, but his life has been nothing but woeful wandering. Shadows crept into the edges of his vision. His heart thundered and raged inside his chest. Ryoga looked up to the ceiling of the bar. He looked up past the building into the heavens. He looked up to the eyes of the Kami. "I'm ready! Where is she?"

Ryoga sighed one of his last three sighs. His heart contracted at the end of it, hurting him. He gasped. Staring at his dark reflection in the mirror behind the bar, something caught his eye. Turning around, he saw her. It was like an old movie. Time slowed down, as he noticed every detail about her. Her hair was dark, long, and with a sheen of dark blue. Her eyes a milky chocolate brown. Her smile was honest. She was well dressed, business casual, as if she had come over from work. Her clutch was yellow, with small black pigs on them. She was drinking sake while her friends drank red wine, or vodka.

Ryoga caught Ranma's attention, "Hey, see that girl?"

Ranma followed Ryoga's gaze, and immediately assessed, "Nice tits."

Ryoga's heavy heart made it difficult for him to stand. He needed to approach this woman. Everything in his body was telling him to. But he knew, if she said no, his fragile heart made of glass would shatter into a thousand pieces. Ryoga stood up, trying to think of a way to approach her. She was approaching the bar. She was coming nearer. Suddenly, he heard Ranma speak, "Have you met Ryoga?"

***

Kibouka sighed as she silently replied to her friend's text message. She had to wait until her father was done with his story. At least he seemed to be getting to the point. She looked over at Hogoshaku, wondering how her little brother was doing. He was leering again. Sometimes she worried her brother would never grow out of being a pervert. She focused on what her dad was saying, wondering how he managed to suck the life out of a ten minute story.

Ryoga took a sip of tea, "She was a reporter for Metro News One. Well, kind of a reporter. She did fluff pieces at the end of the news. We met at five the next day, and I took her to a nice Sushi restaurant. We talked, and really got to know each other, and at the time she felt like the perfect woman for me. We were walking after dinner, when a Metro News One van pulled up, and told her she had to cover a story about a guy about to jump out of a building. I got home about half past ten."

Hogoshaku looked disappointed, "So did you kiss her?"

Ryoga smiled, "Funny you should ask that."

***

Ryoga got back to the apartment, four hours after the date, and was greeted by Lily and Marshal. Ryoga stood stunned for a moment, returning the greeting. "So Lily, have you plundered Marshal's booty yet?"

Lily glared at him with her good eye. The strain, causing the one behind the eye patch to burn a little, which she ignored for more glaring. After a few seconds she gave up, when she realized she couldn't faze him with just one eye. "So how was the date?"

Ryoga told them about how she used to play Romeo in the school play, because everyone thought she'd do better than the boys. He told them about how she worked for Metro News One, and how she was hoping to become an anchor. He told them, how the date ended.

Marshal leaned forward excited, "So did you kiss her?"

Ryoga's chest tightened. He pictured the future. He shook his head, "No, the moment wasn't right. She could be my future wife, I want the first kiss to be special."

Lily sighed, "Aww, that's sweet Ryoga. So you chickened out like a little bitch?" Lily's voice oozed sweetness.

Ryoga hated himself. He hated that Lily always called him out on when he was too shy, or too scared. "I did not chicken out. Look, I'm not taking advice from a pirate who hasn't been single since college!" Ryoga sighed, shame creeping up into the recesses of his mind for being so defensive about his weaknesses.

Lily gave Ryoga her best you-idiot stare, "Ryoga, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. Even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don't believe me, call him."

Ryoga thought about what Lily said, but refused to accept it. So he did what Lily suggested, and called Ranma. When Ranma picked up on the other end, Ryoga was a bit stunned, as moans, and grunts came through the phone. "Umm, Ranma? Are you there?" Ryoga asked, almost sheepishly.

From the phone, Ranma's voice came, from between grunts, and groans, "Hey Ryoga, you called while I was having an appointment with Destiny. I should give you her number, she always gives me a happy ending, despite putting me through hell first." Ryoga felt, more than heard, Ranma getting kicked and stomped on. Finally, some girl cursed him out in Chinese, and Ranma got back on the phone, "So what's up?"

Ryoga hesitated just a moment, "Umm... I have something to talk to you about can you meet me at the Nekohanten?"

Ryoga dismissively waved his hand towards Marshal and then Lily as he spoke to Ranma, "So these guys think I chickened out. What do you think?" Ryoga took a bite from the grilled steak nachos they ordered. "I mean, she didn't even give me the signal!"

Ranma looked at Marshal who sat next to him, and then to Lily, both nodded to his silent question. Ranma then turned his gaze to Ryoga, an eldridtch wonder etched into his woeful eyes. "What is she gonna do, bat her eyes at you in Morse Code?" Ranma started batting his eyes, "Ryoga, Kiss me," he stops and shakes his head, for emphasis, "No, you just kiss her!"

The front of Ryoga's head hurt, like a bruise, and he crossed his arms in a huff. "Not if I don't get the signal." Ryoga gasped, his mind shutting down, as Ranma leaned over to Marshal, gently caressed Marshal's face, and kissed the taller man on the lips. By the time Ranma pulled a way, a small trail of saliva snapped from his tongue to the inside of Marshal's mouth. Marshal didn't move. His face, was a mask of horror unlike any Ryoga had ever witnessed.

Ranma looked smug as he looked back to Ryoga, "Did Marshal give me the signal?"

"No!" Marshal yelled, coming out of his shock. He looked to Lily, eyes pleading with her, "I didn't, I swear!"

Ranma ignored Marshal's gibbered drooling apologies to his fiancee, much like one ignores an annoying sibling, or perverted ex-boyfriend. "But see- at least tonight, I can sleep knowing that Marshal and me... never gonna happen. You should have kissed her."

Ryoga's face scrunched up in an awkward grimace. He groaned and let his head drop with a thud to the table. Muted by the table, he acquiesced to his friends' conclusion, "I should have kissed her." After things quieted down between Marshal and Lily, Ryoga sat back up, "She's going away for a week. Do I wait until she gets back from her news report in Orlando?"

Ranma sneered at the suggestion, "A week? That's like a year in hot girl time. She'll forget all about you. I'm telling you, you'll never see her again." Ranma drank some beer with his nachos. He stopped mid swig, when he noticed Ryoga pointing to the television behind him, muttering under his breath.

Lily looked interested, "Ooh, she's cute. Hey Muu Tse! Turn it up!"

Marshal turned to look with everyone else. From the TV, the reporter said, "...persuaded him to reconsider, at which point the man came down off the ledge, giving this bizarre story a happy ending."

"Huh, the guy didn't jump," Marshal commented.

Like a stop-motion lightning bolt, the words struck Ryoga, jolting him into action. Ryoga stood up, "I'm going to kiss her! Right now!"

"Dude, it's midnight," Marshal stated bluntly, "as your future lawyer, I'm gonna advise you: that's freaking crazy!" Marshal tried pulling Ryoga back down, but Ryoga refused to budge.

Ryoga looked at his best friend, his eyes resolute. "That's just it. I never just do anything. I always plot, or get lost or turned around. By the time I get the guts to do anything, I've missed my opportunity. Well she's leaving tomorrow, this may be my only chance!" Ryoga pointed to the television again, "I gotta do what that guy couldn't do, I have to take the leap!" Ryoga started heading to the bathroom, but turned, "Okay, not the best metaphor, for me it's falling in love, for him...it's death."

Ranma smirked, "No, that's the perfect metaphor." A melancholy look crossed Ranma's face, as if he forgot something, he raised his beer toward Lily and Marshal, and quickly smiled again, "I never did congratulate you two." Lily shook her head in disgust.

"I'm doing this," Ryoga resolved, heading towards the back entrance of the bar. Marshal quickly stopped him.

Lily got up and nodded to them both. "We're coming," Lily said, as she pulled Marshal with her. She paused when he resisted, and looked at Ranma still sitting and drinking. She glared at him with her one good eye.

Ranma felt the tense pressure of atmosphere shift. His body shivered as his skin saw what caused his danger sense to go on full alert, even before he did. He looked up at Lily's glare, and asked, "What?"

***

Ranma watched from the cab along with Marshal and Lily, as Ryoga walked out of the cab, and went up the few steps leading to a four-story building in Brooklyn. Ryoga rang the bell. Ryoga then shouted up to the window, and a moment later, was buzzed in. Satisfied that he was going to succeed, Ranma turned to Lily and asked a question that had been haunting him all night. "So how come you're wearing an eye-patch? Finally decided between Pirates vs. Ninjas?" Ranma tried not to let his eyes linger to long on her flaming red hair, or the way her clothes wrapped itself around her curves. It wouldn't do to perv on a friends girl, not matter what his mother's views on manliness.

Marshal tried to suppress his laugh, while Lily answered, "That's enough!" She removed the eye patch, "After Marshal proposed to me, he popped open the champagne, and the cork hit me in the eye."

Marshal avoided Ranma's gaze, ignored Lily's jab with her elbow to his ribs, and asked, "So do we wait for him... or?"

Ranma looked up, checked his watch then shrugged, "Naw, he'll probably be here all night, let's just go back to the bar."

***

Ryoga smiled at the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He stepped into her modest apartment, overflowing with little knickknacks. She smiled back, happy he came by to visit, "So Ryoga, what brings you back to Brooklyn, at one in the morning?"

Face flushed, Ryoga laughed a bit, a self-conscious chuckle, then said, "I got lost."

She walked up to him, her pace slow, and agonizing his senses, "Happens to you a lot then?" she was in front of him now, gazing up into his shining brown eyes, "Would you like some sake while you're here?"

Her gaze was feral, and he almost backed up, but steeled himself, "Are you trying to get me drunk?" he swallowed the nervousness trapped in his throat.

She leaned forward, her lips against his right ear, "For starters," she purred, then quickly and nonchalantly walked towards the kitchen, pausing briefly to turn on her stereo. Soft jazz music filtered through the air, and Ryoga looked up to the Kami and simply mouthed a thank you to the heavens. When she came back with the drinks they each took a gulp, then began to dance close together. The music washed over them. She gazed at him, and as he shared a deep passionate stare with her, she said, "I think I like your eyes."

Heart fluttering, Ryoga said, "I think I like your long hair."

Her gaze deepened into him, "I think I like your fangs."

His gaze deepened into her, "I think I love you."

***

"What!" All three of Ryoga's friends shouted as he told them the story later at the bar. The force of the shout bowling Ryoga out of the booth.

***

"What?" Ryoga's two kids looked at him like he was crazy.

***

She just kept staring at Ryoga. He was starting to get nervous. She finally asked, "What? What do you mean you love me?"

Ryoga's heart was crushed into pulp, his shoulders slumped, "By Kami, I can't believe I said that. Why did I say that? Who says that?" Ryoga was nearing hysteria, before he caught himself, and turned to leave, "I should just go."

She grabs his arm, "Wait, you'll get lost."

Doves and hearts rejoiced in his vision, as his knees melted, nearly dropping him to the floor, "You remembered that," he clasped her hands to his heart, gazing into her eyes, "thanks, I love you." Too late, he realized he said it again, "What's wrong with me?"

She just laughed, and walked him downstairs to the front door. He stepped outside, a cold wind blended into his own despair. He turned back to her, after stepping down the short five steps that lead from her building to the sidewalk, "When you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word 'psycho'? I prefer... eccentric."

She smiled at him, "Good night, psycho."

Ryoga feigned rejection, then noticed his friends were gone. "Great. Can you point me to the F train?"

She laughed and pointed to her right. Ryoga dreaded getting lost again. He thanked her, his reigned in emotions making his voice gruff and choked. He started walking to his right, but turned around. He just couldn't let things finish this way, "Wait," his voice stopped her from entering back into the building, "You know, I'm done being single. I'm not good at it. I know you're not supposed to tell someone you just met that you love them, but it sucks that you can't. If a woman were to bare with me through my getting lost, and everything else, I know I'd be a good husband. Because I'm good at stuff like making her laugh, and being a good father," every word had brought him closer to her. She was leaning close to him again, enraptured by him. Ryoga almost whispered, "And being a good kisser."

Her face grew a mischievous smirk, "Everyone thinks they are a good kisser."

Ryoga leaned closer to her, "Oh I know I'm a good kisser. I've got references and everything."

She smiled at him, lingering slightly, then she straightened up and put her hand out for him to shake, "Good night Ryoga."

He took her small, strong supple hand into his and shook it, careful not to apply too much pressure, "And I'm a good hand shaker."

She leaned in close to him, their eyes mere moments apart, "That's a really good handshake," her voice came out husky and oozing.

***

Marshal sat next to Lily at the Nekohanten, keeping as much distance between himself, and Ranma as possible. Ryoga had come in about an hour after they had arrived, looking like a melted ice cube, and started to tell them about how the visit had gone.

"...and that was it," Ryoga finished telling his friends the story at the Nekohanten just before two in the morning. They sat in silence staring at him,"What?" he nearly shrilled.

Marshal could no longer contain his voice, "That was the Signal!"

Lily tried to clarify, speaking with the restrained emotions, like an atheist explaining evolution to a creationist, "That long lingering handshake - you should have kissed her!"

Ranma shook his head, "There's no such thing as the signal, but yeah, that was it."

Muu Tse came up and handed Marshal a bottle, before turning to Ryoga, "By the way, you should have kissed her."

Ryoga stared at the bar tender in confusion, "You weren't there!"

Marshal grinned at Lily and popped the cork of the champagne bottle, confidently and without incident. Lily drooled a bit, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, she grabbed Marshal's bicep with both hands and squeezed it, "I'm so turned on right now." They shared a kiss briefly and fiercely before Marshal began pouring drinks for everyone, including one glass for Muu Tse who had just brought some for the group.

Ryoga lifted his head from the table, "Trust me guys, that wasn't the Signal, I've seen the Signal."

Ranma shushed Ryoga, "We're not on you anymore," then he lifted his glass to the betrothed couple across from him.

Marshal toasted first, "To my fiance!"

Lily was next, "To the future!"

Ranma smiled broadly, "To one hell of a night!"

Ryoga, frustrated and weak, continued in his own little world, "That was not the Signal!"

***

Ryoga's two teenage kids are simply dumbfounded. He continues, ignoring their mute stares, "I asked her about it, years later, and yeah, that was the Signal. I could have kissed her. But that's destiny for you. It happens whether you plan it or not. I mean I never thought I'd see her again, but it turns out I was just too close to the puzzle to see it. And that's the true story of how I met... your Aunt Akane," Ryoga takes a sip of tea.

Hogoshaku recovers quickly, "Aunt Akane," his voice holding a puzzled strain, "I thought this was supposed to be about how you met mom?"

Kibouka looks at her father with deadly daggers, "Are you trying to punish us?"

Ryoga smiles, "No. Will you relax? I'm getting to it. It's a long story..."

***

A/N: Rewrite of chapter 1. Chapters 2, 3, 4, and maybe 5 will also be rewritten in time. In between rewrites I'll be posting newer chapters. Edits to this chapter are to both update them in style, but to try and show more back references to their lives leading up to these meetings.

As for any OOC that some people have pointed out (Ranma and Akane being the primaries here)... don't forget this is 10+ years after high school. People can change quite a bit in those years. I do have a reasoning behind everything, and will be touching back on them as the story progresses.

I'll be editing this story for typos etc, after posting, if you notice anything you can send me a message (as opposed to putting it in a review), thank you. If you'd like to review go ahead, I've gotten really excellent feedback so far, that has really helped and motivated me with this project.

Also note that this is a side project of mine as I work on "real" stories that I'm planning to publish and make money with. As such, this is something I work on when I need to get past writer's block, or need to escape for a bit.

Final note: This rewrite added 2000k words to chapter 1. So it's like getting a bonus chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

How Ryoga Met Your Mother.

Chapter 2

Ryoga Hibiki, age 52, sat down on the couch with his two teenage kids sitting before him. His graying hair wild and messy on his head just like it was in his youth. He smiled at his kids, then after taking a sip of his tea, he said, "Back in 2005, I had decided that it was time to start looking for the future Mrs. Ryoga Hibiki. Then I met Akane Tendo, and I thought that if she said 'no' to me, that my fragile heart made of glass would shatter into a thousand pieces. In the end I put my foot in my mouth."

Ryoga's son interrupted his father, "So what happened after that?"

Ryoga smiled wistfully, "Nothing. I had made a fool of myself. So I didn't call her. I was trying to convince myself that I was just in love with the idea of marriage, and not her. A week later though, we ran into her, talking to your Aunt Lily. After seeing her again, even after a week, all those feelings from our first date came back to me. I knew that I was in love with her and that I had to go out with her somehow. I left the bar that night, and ended up wandering for awhile..."

***

Ryoga Hibiki, age 27, walked down the street and looked absolutely lost. Sighing, he walked into a convenience store, hoping to get better directions this time. Inside, there were some police officers and firemen working on getting a little boy who was trapped inside a crane machine. Looking around for a clerk or someone who could give him directions, he spotted Akane.

She finished talking to a cameraman, and then Ryoga approached her, "Hi Akane, what are the odds? What are you doing in L.A.?"

Akane laughed at him, "We're in New York silly. So, what about you?"

Ryoga laughed nervously, "Well, I'm a little turned around you know? So you reporting on some news or something?"

Akane smiled at Ryoga, "How sweet of you to call it news, but it's a kid stuck in a crane machine."

Ryoga looked back at the kid, his rescuers were having no luck getting him out, "Maybe I can help?" Ryoga walked up to the officers and they let him give it a shot. With one powerful chop, Ryoga caused the crane machine to split in half, the boy trapped inside tumbled out with all the stuffed animals.

Akane ran over to his side, "Wow, I didn't know you were a martial artist!"

Ryoga grinned nervously, "Yeah, I'm self taught. Look, Akane, call me crazy, but I feel like there's something between us you know?"

"Ryoga, you're not crazy. I mean, we barely know each other, and you're looking at me with that look-"

Ryoga interrupted her, "What look?"

"A look like, 'Let's fall in love, and have kids and take them to martial arts tournaments,'" Akane fidgeted a bit.

Ryoga shook his head, "I'm not gonna force martial arts on them unless they're interested."

"Ryoga..... it's a good look, it's just .... you're looking at the wrong girl. I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever. And if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you, or break your heart. And I can't do either of those things. Just like, how you can't stop how you feel about me," Akane looked at Ryoga, her eyes moist and apologetic.

Ryoga leaned over close to Akane, "I can turn it off, we can just date, I'll show you," then he kissed her, deeply and passionately. They stood there in each others arms, as the small boy who had been trapped in the crane was carried away by his mother, and the police started bagging all the stuffed animals, mostly due to the fact that kids have small bladders. Ryoga then pulled away from Akane, "I .... I can't turn it off."

"Me too," Akane looked at Ryoga and they both laughed, "I guess.... we could just be friends? I know that it sounds bad when people say that to each other, but I just moved here in April, and I don't know anybody, and I could use a good friend."

"Maybe... in few months? After it's not so fresh... we can all get a beer?" Ryoga sighed.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Akane squeezed Ryoga's arm, and started walking away, "I'll see ya."

Ryoga stopped her, "Or we could all, you know, umm, get a beer now..."

"I'd like that," Akane smiled at Ryoga.

***

"She had to finish her report, that the boy was safely out of the crane machine. Then we went over to the Nekohanten and all hung out, it was pretty fun. I remember one night, we were all going to meet up at the Nekohanten, and I was late getting off work, and missed getting a ride in the car pool. So I ended up wandering a bit again..."

***

Ryoga walked up to Ranma, a small crowd of people are standing in front of a baggage claim carousel. "Hey Ranma," Ryoga laughs, "funny running into you in Taiwan."

Ranma looked over at Ryoga and gives him a huge smile, "Perfect, I'm glad you made it here Ryoga, I thought you weren't gonna make it when you didn't return my phone calls."

Ryoga looked confused and as he checked his cell phone for missed calls, Ranma continued, "Now imagine this, a couple of girls fly into town, looking for a fun weekend in New York City, when they meet two handsome international businessmen just back from a lucrative trip to Japan."

***

"I really don't know why I hung out with your Uncle Ranma..."

***

"You've got to be kidding me," Ryoga stared at Ranma incredulously.

"Nope," Ranma gave Ryoga the patented Saotome Trust Me Smile, "Also, fix your hair, you look sketchy." Ranma set two pieces of luggage on the conveyor belt and started looking around.

Ryoga dead-panned at Ranma, "I look sketchy?"

Ranma put his hands on Ryoga's shoulders and looked him in the eyes, "Ryoga. Ryoga, look at me. This is happening ok? Now you can either follow along with me now, or hear a long speech convincing you to go along with this. Your move."

Ryoga sighed, and then Ranma begins his speech, "Ryoga, since the dawn of time, man has struggled-"

Ryoga quickly interrupted Ranma, "Ok! Ok!"

***

"We were there for a couple of hours, without much luck, until we ran into a couple of girls who were going to Philadelphia. Next thing I knew Ranma had bought tickets, and we were on our way with them. Unfortunately, they had boyfriends already. After we landed, your Uncle Ranma had a different plan .... Flight Attendants at the Airport Bar. As we exited the plane though we ran into a little problem..."

***

Ryoga and Ranma had gotten up from their chairs when some men in uniform approached them, the Airport Security Officer said, "Passengers Hibiki and Saotome, please come with us, gentlemen. And keep your hands where I can see them."

"Ranma, I'll kill you," Ryoga snarled at his friend.

"Ryoga, don't say that in front of airport security. Not cool," Ranma replied with his hands up.

***

"They took us to the interrogation room..."

***

Ranma and Ryoga were sitting in an interrogation room, the Officer who arrested them sat across from them, a single bulb overhead cast the rest of the room in shadow. Ranma slapped his hands down on the table, "This is an outrage. We are international businessmen on a very important international business trip. I demand we be let go!"

"You demand!" Ryoga snarled at Ranma, before turning to the officer and speaking loudly, "No no no no no, he demands nothing. We have no demands!"

The Officer stood up and looked at Ryoga over the table, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to remain calm."

Ryoga put his hands up to show he was calming down, "Ok, I'm calm. Totally calm."

The officer begins explaining why they're there, "We have footage of you placing two bags on JFK carousel 3, and abandoning them to purchase a last minute flight, in cash."

Ranma whispers to Ryoga, "The bags were your responsibility."

Ryoga snarls at Ranma again, "They were your bags!" He then turned to the Officer, "Look, this is all a misunderstanding. The truth is, my friend, he does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up on girls. We followed some here to Philadelphia. That's all."

"No one is that pathetic," the Officer looked over at Ranma.

"We are international businessmen. My colleague accidentally left the bags. Now please let us go before we miss our international business meeting," Ranma said, sticking to his story.

The Officer looked over at Ryoga, noticing his hair, he said, "I can't remember the last time I saw an international businessman with such messy hair."

Ranma glared at Ryoga's hair, then repeated, "We are international businessmen."

"Oh come on!" Ryoga snapped.

"Sir, lower your voice or I'll have to restrain you," the Officer stared Ryoga down.

"Yeah, relax," Ranma looked at Ryoga with a look that said 'why are you stressed out?'.

Suddenly, the phone on the table rang, and the Officer put it on speaker phone, "Go on."

From the other end of the phone, "This is the Bomb Squad, They're clean, the bags are full of condoms and a power bar."

The Officer hung up the phone, looked at the two men before him, and defeatedly whispered, "You are free to go."

***

"We left the airport, and with Ranma following me, we somehow got turned around and lost. We walked for a little bit, and then Ranma said to follow him, and in less than half an hour we were home. I'm still not sure how we walked home faster than the airplane ride to Philadelphia, but that's how it happened," Ryoga finished talking for a bit, and stood up.

Ryoga's son excitedly said, "Are we done for today?"

Ryoga smiled at his son, "Every story in a man's life is like a dot in an Impressionist painting."

Ryoga's daughter sighed, as if she were dying, "So that's a no?"

Ryoga smiled, "Yeah, that's a no. I'm just getting more tea."


	3. Chapter 3

How Ryoga Met Your Mother

Chapter 3

Ryoga sits back down after getting more tea. The moon was big this night, and he lost himself a little in it's bright gaze. He turned back to his two teenage kids. His son was a bit short for his age, and really into computers. Only mildly interested in martial arts, he never took up the family style. Ryoga's daughter was the epitome of teenage rebellion, had several boyfriends, and just this last year decided she was into the occult. Ryoga smiled, thinking that her teacher Gosunkugi probably had something to do with that.

"Back to the topic on hand," Ryoga started his tale again, "Kids, when you're single, and you're looking for your happiness, you have to realize something. Only ONE of your stories will lead you to a happy ever after. The rest, end with someone getting hurt. But even those stories become part of who you are when you meet the perfect person for you. This next story, is one of those stories.... and it all starts with a bandanna...."

***

Ryoga enters the Nekohanten, he has a black and yellow bandanna on. He struts up to a table, where Ranma, Akane, Lily and Marshal are sitting. Akane immediately notices, "Nice bandanna!"

"Right? Right?" Ryoga smiles happily.

Lily looks at Ryoga, her long straight red hair catching the light, "Wow! Look at those colors! Yellow and Black, together at last!"

"Hot danna bro, is it new?" Marshal asks un-sarcastically.

Ryoga grabs a chair and sits down at the table they are at, "That's the strange part, I've had it like 10 years ago, and until this morning, I didn't really like it. But after being lost in my closet for a few hours, I think my tastes have changed."

"Booger," Ranma says as if reading from a list.

"Yes, hello Ranma," Ryoga looks at his friend, trying to decipher what he meant.

Akane rolls her eyes and explains to Ryoga, "Ranma's offering me fifty bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report."

Ranma corrects her, "Not some stupid word. Booger."

Akane ignores Ranma and continues, "But I'm not doing it. I'm a journalist, besides, I'm going to be promoted to the City Hall beat pretty soon."

Lily high-fived Akane, congratulating her. Ranma stares at Akane as if she said something stupid, "What? Journalist? You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news. Besides, now you're saying 'nipple' and it's a hundred bucks!"

Akane rolled her eyes at Ranma, now completely ignoring him, especially since he started to 'lure her' into his 'web'.

Ryoga took a sip of the drink in front of him before realizing he had not ordered yet. "Whose bourbon is this?"

"Oooh, I don't know, it was here when we sat down," Lily answers, then goes back to chatting with Akane.

Ryoga drinks more of the bourbon, "Thing is, I seem to like bourbon now, and I thought I didn't like it. First the bandanna, then the bourbon.... I spent all this time figuring out what I like and what was ruining my life, and now I just don't know anymore. Maybe it's time to revisit old girlfriends. Maybe someone who wasn't right for me back then, is right for me now."

Ranma interrupts, "Hold on, there are only two reasons to date a girl you're already dated," Ranma holds up one finger and continues, "Breast. Implants."

As usual everyone ignores Ranma, Lily smiles getting into the conversation, "That's not a bad idea. Let's think... Ryoga's greatest dates.... what about .... Mai?"

***

"Mai used to live in L.A., she was broke and spent a month doing adult films. One hundred and seventy five, adult films..."

***

Lily sighed, "Say what you will about the Porn industry, they are hard workers."

Marshal tossed in an idea, "What about that chick..... Jackie?"

***

"I remember I had told Jackie an embarrassing story about being at the hot springs one day. She then told me of her hit and run.... and how she didn't stop...."

***

Lily finally came up with the answer, "What about Asuza?"

Marshal and Ted looked at each other and in unison said, "Asuza!"

Akane now was really confused, "Who's Asuza?"

***

"I had alot of fond memories of Asuza. Her random collection of favorite things, Carmel Dansen music in the background, and stuffed animals throughout her place. It was three years earlier, and the Ryoga of back then just wasn't ready for a big commitment. Of course, things had changed, and getting married sounded pretty good right then. So I started going through my room for her number. It was while I was in there, with the TV in my room on so I wouldn't get lost, that I heard the strangest news report... from your Aunt Akane."

***

Ryoga was digging through his closet, from the small twelve inch TV in his room Akane's voice could be heard, "So, next time you're passing City Hall, make sure and stop by New York's oldest hotdog cart. Thought it will cost you $2.50 today, when it started fifty years ago, you could get one for a single nipple. Reporting live, Akane Tendo, Metro News One."

Ryoga kept digging in the closet, and what could have been moments or hours later he heard Akane talking to Lily out in the living room. Akane sounded upset, "I said 'nipple' on the news! That was so unprofessional! I said 'nipple' on the news!"

Lily put her arm around Akane to console her, and stated, "At least it wasn't booger. Hehe, booger."

Ranma suddenly came in through the front door of Ryoga and Marshal's two bedroom apartment. He walked up to Akane, his face beaming, "Ah there she is. Oooh, it's kinda chilly in here, it must be, because I can see Akane's nickles. Now, for your next challenge-"

Akane cut him off, "There won't be a next challenge, I'm not doing this anymore Ranma, no matter how much you offer me."

Ranma shook his head no, "Oh search your soul Akane. You know this isn't about the money. It's about putting one over on those jerks that haven't even promoted you yet. It's about being under appreciated, and ... yeah sure, the money on the side is nice." At this point Ranma brought his face close to Akane's, took out two hundred dollar bills from his jacket pocket and as he approached he said, "Now, for two more hundred dollars, baby's going to look in the camera and say this..." at this point Ranma whispers quietly into her ear.

Lily was absolutely shocked, "That's so... eew. At least I'm assuming."

Akane just sighed after Ranma was done whispering, "I have to get back to work." She got up and was passing by Ranma when she turned around and took the two hundred from him, "Baby's going to think about it."

Lily gave Akane a goodbye wave, and not long after she left Ryoga found his way out of his room, "I finally found my way out! Oh and the phone number too."

Lily looked at Ryoga, "Hey Ryoga! Nice bandanna! Is it yesterday already?"

Ryoga completely missing the sarcasm thanked Lily's compliment, and then dialed the number to Asuza Shiratori.

***

"Now it had been three years since I had spoken to Asuza, and I didn't know if she would remember me, but she did. As soon as I said what my name was... she hung up on me. I sat down with Aunt Lily, Uncle Marshal and Uncle Ranma to figure it all out."

***

Ranma sat on the recliner to Ryoga's left, Lily and Marshal sat on the love seat to his right. Ryoga sat by himself on the couch. Ranma was playing a game against Marshal on the x-box in the living room. Ranma seemed to be winning so he took the time to ask Ryoga some questions, "Did you sleep with her sister? or her Mom?"

"No," Ryoga replied.

"I'm losing interest already," Ranma continued to play, beating Marshal again.

"Well why did you guys break up?" Lily asked, trying to figure it all out.

"He wasn't ready for a commitment," Marshal replied, knowing the answer, "Although, that shouldn't make her pissed off at you."

"Well," Ryoga began, "her birthday might have been coming up-"

Lily didn't like where things were headed, "Uh-huh..."

Ryoga continued, "and I didn't want to give her a boyfriend style gift if I was just going to break up with her..."

Lily tried looking on the bright side, "So you broke up with her right before her birthday?"

"Umm, no I didn't dump her... right before, her birthday," Ryoga started to get nervous at how Lily was looking at him now.

"Uh oh," Marshal and Ranma said at the same time.

***

"That's when you're Aunt Lily jumped me and started hitting me. I got a little dizzy..."

***

"You. Never. Break. Up. With. A girl. On. Her. Birthday!" Lily punctuated each word with a pounding to Ryoga's thick skull.

"Lily stop! I know it was a mistake!" Ryoga put his guard up against Lily who was still on top of him.

In a calmer voice she looked at him, and without moving off asked, "Well, did shy cry her eyes out?"

"I don't know," Ryoga smiled sheepishly.

***

"I had left a message on her answering machine. If I remember correctly, my words were, 'Hey Asuza! Look, you're great. Really..... great. I'm just.... really lost right now. So maybe we should .... call it a day. But you're great.'"

***

"On! Her! Answering! Machine!? And! On! Her! Birthday!? Oh who breaks up with somebody on their answering machine on their birthday?" Lily was starting to get tired of hitting Ryoga.

"Yeah dude, e-mail," Marshal said, glancing away from the game long enough to give Ryoga an incredulous look.

"That's not the point Marshal! It's a terrible way to break up with someone!" Lily looked at her fiance like he was stupid.

"Ok, in my client's defense. Is there a nice way to break up with someone? No. Personally I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person," Marshal said. Lily started dialing a number, while Marshal finished up, "It's the least painful way you can do it. Who are you calling?"

Lily speaks into her phone, "Hi, Marshal, it's Lily. We're not going to have sex for at least a month. But you're great. Okay, bye bye," and she hangs up the mobile phone.

Ranma stops playing the game, and starts flipping through TV channels, "You know, it was a big mistake. You should have done it in person." Lily smiled and nodded, until Ranma continued talking, "Desperate 'Please don't leave me' sex is amazing."

Ryoga put his hands up, "Okay, I know it was childish, and stupid, but .... I don't think I could watch her cry."

Lily got close to Ryoga again, her finger pointing right at his face, "Well you know what Ryoga? She did cry. You just didn't have the balls to face it."

"Hey," Ryoga interjected, "This is the new old bandanna wearing, Ryoga, with balls. I'm gonna make this right."

Just then, Ranma turned the TV volume up, and a report from Akane showed up. "An occasion that was supposed to be joyous, turned tragic when Eunice and Sascha Margolis, the oldest twins in America, suddenly passed away, on the eve of their one hundredth birthday. I'm a dirty dirty girl."

Akane bends over a bit and smacks her rear, "Ow! Reporting live, Akane Tendo, Metro News One."

***

"She didn't even get a reprimand for it. In fact, her manager said she was doing a great job. That's when Aunt Akane realized, that no one watched Metro News One. Not even her manager," Ryoga sat up and stretched a bit. "This story is taking longer than I thought, we'll finish it tomorrow okay guys?"

Before he finished his question, his two teenage kids were already gone.


	4. Chapter 4

How Ryoga Met Your Mother

Chapter 4

Ryoga Hibiki, walks up to his home, an old two-story Japanese home facing Mount Fuji. The home is in good repair, and he can hear his kids playing inside. He opens the front door, and is greeted by the sounds of family, "I'm home!"

"I told you to stop trying to sell photos of me in the shower to your perverted friends!" Ryoga's daughter yelled as she slammed her fist into her brother's face.

"Ah good, you're both home, then get your brother into the living room, I have more to tell you," Ryoga smiled, as his son lay on the floor, his right leg twitching every once in a while.

***

Knock, knock, knock. Ryoga quickly followed up by holding up a stuffed black pig to the peephole. After a moment the door opened and Azusa was looking right at Ryoga. "Go Away!" She screamed at him, while trying to take the pig from him at the same time.

"I just want to say I'm sorry," Ryoga tried to explain, as she was now hitting him with the fire extinguisher from the hallway, and shouting something about Charlotte. "Look, I know you're mad, but here, happy birthday... three years ago."

Ryoga let her have the pig. Azusa squeezed her new prize tightly, then gave Ryoga the coldest cruelest gaze his twenty-seven year old self had ever experienced. "Screw you, three years ago," she spit the words at him, and then went back into her apartment.

Ryoga followed her, letting the door close behind him. "I know leaving a message was stupid. I know how much it sucked."

"No you don't," she answered him, sadness gripping her eyes, "my friend Mikado was throwing a surprise birthday party for me. You left that message, and everyone there heard it. I came home right after you had called... I had heard the phone out in the hallway, and I was even rushing so that I wouldn't miss your call."

Ryoga looked shocked, "There was a surprise party that night, and no one told me? Oh, never mind, not the point. Look Azusa, I was a stupid kid back then. I'm different now."

Azusa stared at Ryoga, "Oh so now you're ready to get married and settle down?" Ryoga sheepishly nodded in response. Azusa continued to look at him as if he was crazy, "You must think I have no self respect."

"Come on, just... one cup of coffee," Ryoga smiled, picked up a teddy bear that Azusa had in her living room, and pretended to make the teddy talk, "Please Azusa, give him a chance. Self respect is over-rated!"

Azusa laughed.

***

"We started dating again. It was just like before, it seemed that happily ever after wasn't far off. A couple of weeks later your Aunt Akane invited us all to go ice skating."

***

The Nekohanten was somewhat active, as Ryoga, Azusa, Ranma, Marshal, and Lily sat together talking. Just then Akane came in with a big smile, "Say I'm awesome."

"You're awesome," Ryoga said looking confused, "why are you awesome this time?"

Akane pulled up a seat next to Ranma's chair, and said, "Because I just got us invited to an exclusive Ice Skating Party, tonight! The organizer goes to my gym and is a big fan of my reporting for Metro News One, so I'm on the list and I can bring 4 guests!"

"Well count us out sorry," Lily smiled, "we're having friends over for wine and cheese tasting."

Marshal looked slightly put out but smiled and held Lily's hand, "Yeah, we trying to grow up, classy."

"Well, Ranma? Ryoga?" Akane looked over at them.

"Sure," Ranma said, "we'll be there."

Ryoga looked over at Azusa, then at Akane. Akane nodded, and then said, "Great! And Ryoga, don't forget to bring your date."

Ryoga morosely smiled at Azusa, who got up to leave, "Thanks for the invite, I'll meet you all there, I gotta go back to work, bye sweetie." She kissed Ryoga and left.

After Azusa left, Ryoga sighed and put his face in his hands, leaning on the table. By the time he looked back up Akane had left, and Ranma was now sitting on the bench next to him, Ryoga said, "I have to break up with her."

Marshal looked over at Ryoga, "I don't get it. Azusa is awesome."

Ryoga nodded, "I know, she's great, but I have to break up with her."

Suddenly Lily was on top of Ryoga's head, smacking him with a beer mug with each word she said, "Why - couldn't - you - leave - that - poor - girl - alone?"

"I know," Ryoga lamented, "These past two weeks have been great, and I should be in love with her, but I'm not. I can't explain it."

"So when are you going to break up with her?" Marshal asked, getting his fiancee off of Ryoga.

Ranma smiled and said, "She's probably on the subway now. You could call her voice mail. Beep, dumped, click, done!"

"No, not this time, I have to do it face to face, I just don't know what to say," Ryoga looked down at his drink, "I already told her I'm ready for a commitment, so saying, 'I'm not ready' won't work."

"Even if it would have, I think Azusa deserves better," Lily said after having calmed down.

"There's no better in breaking up," Marshal put in, "There's only less awful."

"There's no way out.... by Kami - I'm going to have to marry her," Ryoga grabbed his head and screamed to the heavens.

"No, don't worry, we'll figure something out," Marshal tried to calm Ryoga down, "How about - 'It's not you, it's me?"

"Or," Ranma broke in, "six words, 'You look fat in those jeans'."

"Ryoga, why don't you tell her the truth?" Lily asked, "What is the truth? Why do you want to break up with her?"

"The truth," Ryoga paused and thought about it, "The truth is .... she's not the one."

"So tell her that," Lily said.

***

"So it was decided, I was going to tell Azusa, the truth. We all met up at the Ice Rink, me, your Uncle Ranma, your Aunt Akane, and Azusa."

***

Ryoga got out of the Taxi, with Ranma coming around the other side. Ranma put his hand on Ryoga's shoulder and smiled at him, "I'm glad you finally put a suit on."

"Yeah, gotta break her heart in style right?" Ryoga said looking a little depressed.

"Well, you can do it on the ice, just tell her and then let her go, that way you can make your getaway," Ranma said, as he guided Ryoga into the building.

They met up with Akane and Azusa who were waiting by the door, Azusa ran up and kissed Ryoga, and they walked in hand in hand. Ranma snorted, and Akane gave Ryoga a quick smile. Inside the party was beautiful, several tables with different foods on them, there was a bar, and a patio, where just outside, Lady Liberty could be seen.

"Very nice party Tendo," Ranma smiled, "Thanks for inviting us."

"Yes, thank you Akane," Azusa beamed, "but you said there was ice skating?"

"Yeah, over there, they have skate rentals and everything," Akane pointed the way, "I'll be there soon, I have to go thank the guy who gave me the invitations."

Ryoga, Ranma, and Azusa, said, "See you soon," and went over to go skating. After paying for both of their rentals, Ryoga and Azusa were soon skating through the ice. The rink looked like it was multi-use, with some faint markings left from when they have hockey games. Though Ryoga had no problems on the ice, Azusa was skating as if she were a pro.

"Wow, you're really good," Ryoga praised Azusa, as Ranma passed nearby and slammed into a wall after having trouble stopping.

"You're not to bad yourself," Azusa smiled, "and definately better than Ranma over there." They both danced around each other, back and forth as the skated around the rink.

Ryoga pulled over to one of the walls to stop for a bit, and soon was joined by Azusa. She smiled at him radiantly, clearly in her element. He smiled at her, then said, "Look Azusa, I need to say something to you."

"Let me say something first," she smiled at him, "Today, I had not one, not two, but three birthday cakes. So do you think that tonight, we can just skip the cake?"

Ryoga stared at her, color draining from his face, "Today is your birthday? I didn't get you anything..."

"It's okay, you gave me the greatest gift of all," Azusa hugged Ryoga, then pulled back and beamed at him, "I can trust again."

"Oh Kami, .... Azusa, I have to tell you something, and there's no good way of telling you. I really like you, but we have to break up. I don't think you're the one for me. I don't want to waste your time, and I think you deserve to know now, instead of later. I thought it would be best to be honest," Ryoga said. Azusa covered her face with her hands, and Ryoga patted her shoulder, "It's okay, they're only tears."

Suddenly, Azusa grabbed Ryoga's hand and twisted it around his back. She turned them so she could use the wall as a brace, and launched him into the ice. She screamed at him, "What do you mean, 'I'm not the one'?"

Ryoga spun around and caught himself, he timidly skated back to her, "I'm sorry, I thought it would be the mature thing to do-"

Azusa cut him off, "It's my Birthday!"

"I know, I didn't realize today was your birthday-"

"Okay, so what's the problem?" Azusa skated up to Ryoga, and stood in-front of him, looking up into his eyes.

"I can't explain it," Ryoga smiled weakly.

"Try!" Azusa spoke forcibly, causing Ryoga to cringe a little.

"It's, it's, oh I don't know!" Ryoga sighed.

"I'll tell you what it is! You broke my heart, over my machine, on my birthday, then you waited three years, tracked me down, begged me to go out with you, just so you could dump me on my birthday!"

"It's not that, it's, it's .... it's - I'm really lost right now," Ryoga backed away from Azusa.

Then Akane came over, "Hey! I want you guys to meet the one who invited me here. Ryoga, Azusa, this is Mikado."

Azusa skated over to Mikado and cried into his chest, "Mikado! Ryoga dumped me on my birthday again!"

Akane stared at Ryoga in shock, and Mikado put his arm around Azusa's shoulders to comfort her. He stared Ryoga down, and said, "You will not leave her heart broken and escape unscathed this time! We'll show you why we were once called the Golden Pair of Anything Goes Martial Arts Skating!"

***

"Honestly, after their first attack I was knocked out, and by the time I came to, I was in the hospital, with Uncle Ranma and Aunt Akane standing over me," Ryoga looked over at his two teenage children as they listened to his story, and regardless of how much they voiced their opinions of being bored, at least they were paying attention. He continued, "But it's the bad times that helps prepare you for the good times. And after seeing me have such a bad time at it, your Aunt Akane made a suggestion. So as I lay there, and they filled me in on what happened after the fight, Akane told me about a dating service that she had recently done a piece on for Metro News One. They had a 100% success rate. I told her I wasn't going to go, but somehow, your Uncle Ranma tricked me into going..."

***

Ryoga finished the application at Love Solutions, then looked at Ranma, and said, "Your boat is sinking... that was a good one."

"This is a great opportunity Ryoga! We'll meet our soul-mates, nail-em, and never call them again," Ranma chuckled.

***

Author's note: Well, gonna end this here for now, sorry about the delay, got really sick this past week. Feeling a bit better now. See you in Chapter 5, guest starring Ko Lon (Cologne)!


	5. Chapter 5

How Ryoga Met Your Mother

Chapter 5

Ryoga sat next to Ranma, waiting for their turn to speak with the Matchmaker of Love Solutions. The waiting room was comfortable, and Ryoga looked at pictures on the walls of all the different happy couples. Soon a frog-like, voice greeted them both. Ryoga turned around to see a short, old woman standing behind him. Her hair was long, straight, and very healthy looking. Her eyes carried a soft compassion that drew Ryoga into them. She quickly motioned for the two to follow her, and led them into her office.

They all sat down, and over the maple desk between them, the old lady smiled, "I am Ko Lon, and I'm here to help you find the love of your life."

"Oh, thank goodness, Ko Lon," Ranma looked at the Matchmaker's eyes, "I'm so tired of the single life, all the games, and meaningless sex."

Ko Lon nodded, "You deserve more."

"That's true," Ranma smiled, "I really think I'm ready. Is there anyway to let it be known that I love cuddling?"

Ryoga looked at Ranma funny, but Ranma continued, "It's kinda hard to talk about it with Ryoga here, but I just want someone to hold me at night, when the tears come. Can you help me?"

Ko Lon looked at the two applications, looked at Ranma, and seethed, "Get out! I'm not going to help a jerk like you. I get guys like you all the time, just wanting to meet vulnerable women, nail them, and never call them again."

"Do people do that?" Ranma looked appalled.

Ko Lon grabbed a staff that was leaning up against the wall behind her. In the heartbeat of a humming bird, she had slammed the staff's end into Ranma's chest, launching him up against the wall. She glared at him and said, "You are 300 years too early to pull one over on me."

Ranma pulled himself out of the wall, and straightened out his suit, "Ryoga, let's go-"

Ko Lon interrupted, "No, Ryoga, you stay."

Ranma looked at Ko Lon one last time, deciding if he could actually take her or not. Deciding against it, he leaves the office. Ryoga and Ko Lon sit back down. She smiles at him, "You're cute. An architect. Good career. I can work with this, I can find the woman you will marry in three days."

Ryoga shook his head, "No thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's a big city, there's plenty of women out there.

Ko Lon smiled at Ryoga, "Ah yes, the Big Apple, it's a very big city, 19 million people. 9.7 million women. Of course, you want to meet someone about your age, give or take a few years. If we look at the recent census data, that's 412,000. Of course, 48% of those are already in a relationship, and you have to eliminate half of those for intelligence, sense of humor, and compatibility. Then take out ex-girlfriends, and relatives. Not to mention not counting all those pesky lesbians, and all that leaves us is eight women."

Ryoga was floored. He stared at Ko Lon for a moment, mouth agape, "That can't be right. Eight? Only eight?"

Ko Lon hopped on her desk and walked across it to Ryoga, "There are only eight women, in all of New York. If you feel you can find them without my help, then there's the door," she gestured to the office door that Ranma had left just a minute before.

***

"So I agreed to it. Five days later, I still hadn't heard back from her, so I decided to check in on Ko Lon, and see what was going on."

***

Ryoga knocked on Ko Lon's office door before opening it and letting himself in. She sat behind her desk, her face ragged and worrisome. All around her were star charts, and element boards. On the walls were planet graphs, and zodiac paths. On her computer screen, a Chip and Dales screen-saver.

Smiling nervously Ryoga greeted Ko Lon. She looked at him, sadness in her eyes. Ryoga began to look worried, "Umm, hi, it's Ryoga, do you remember me?"

Ko Lon nodded, apologizing, "I meant to call you. When the computer failed to turn up a suitable match, I started going through the highest ranked candidates, to look for any abnormalities in their destiny that would make you both compatible. Things that the computer has trouble finessing."

"But you said it would only be three days," Ryoga expressed his confusion, "You said there was at least eight women out there for me. I'm an architect, a martial artist! You said I was cute!"

"How do you think I feel? For 300 hundered years I've had a 100% success rate. It's why people come to me," Ko Lon sighed, "I've found several matches if you were gay."

"I'm not gay," Ryoga replied flatly.

"Not even a little bi?"

"You're kidding me right?" Ryoga asked, exasperated.

"I tried everything Ryoga. I even stood out in the street for five hours showing your photo to random pedestrians," Ko Lon lamented.

"You're gonna find someone for me," Ryoga said to her, as she began to drink some wine.

"No I won't, you're gonna die alone," Ko Lon had another drink of wine and began to pour another glass, "You're only going to get older and older, and it will only get harder."

"No, I'm not going to die alone," Ryoga said getting some wind in his sails, "It isn't hopeless, my heart of glass couldn't survive in this world alone, and I refuse to let it. I'm done with being depressed about this. Maybe your charts will help, maybe it won't, but it will happen."

Ko Lon stared at him, his whole attitude transfigured under pressure, his emotional coal, pressurized granting him a heart made of diamond. "So I should keep looking?" she asked him.

Ryoga smiled, "Of course you should. And now, you're gonna do it for free."

***

"Ko Lon agreed, as long as I didn't make the story public. She got to keep her guarantee, and I went on with my life, pretty much forgetting about Love Solutions. That night we all met up at the Nekohanten, where your Uncle Ranma found a solution to my girl problems."

***

Soft music played through the air of the Nekohanten. Mu Tse walked up to the booth where Ryoga and his four friends were sitting, he set five blood red drinks in front of them and said, "On the house, it's my own concoction. I call it, the Dead Duck."

They all, said, "Wow, thanks Mu Tse." Mu Tse went back to the bar and Ryoga quickly asked in a whispered tone, "We're not really going to do shots, are we?"

Ranma and Lily shook their head no, and Akane picked one up, and after she stared at it said, "This kind of looks like blood."

Marshal started looking nervous, he timidly asked, "I know you've all dismissed this theory before, but ... is there any chance that Mu Tse is a vampire?"

Ranma snorted, "Yeah, and I transform into a girl when splashed with cold water."

"I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark," Marshal ticked off his points on his fingers.

Akane nodded, "You know, that does describe a vampire, or ... a bartender," she laughed with everyone else, except Marshal, who became pensive. Akane checked her watch and excused herself.

"Where are you going? Hot date?" Ryoga asked.

"Not exactly. A co-worker scored tickets to a MMA fight," Akane answered, and hurried out so she wouldn't be late, after everyone said their goodbyes.

Marshal looked over at Ryoga and asked, "Are you ok?"

"Sure, why?"

"Girl of your dreams, at an MMA fight with some other guy. You know how Martial Artists get her going," Marshal explained.

"Ok, first of all, the co-worker isn't a martial artist, he's probably some over-weight fan boy. Second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friends, it wouldn't work out," Ryoga explained. He continued, "I want to settle down, she wants-"

Ryoga was interrupted by Ranma's snoring. The three of them stare at Ranma until his head starts to lean forward and he wakes up and asks, "Are you done Ryoga? Because, if you are, there's a girl over there that's really hot. She's kinda short, but stacked. Should go over there and talk to her."

"What am I going to say to her?" Ryoga asked.

"Daddy's home," Ranma answered with a goofy smile on his face.

"Daddy's home," Ryoga started wondering again why he hung out with Ranma, "Think about that Ranma. You want us to go up to those girls, and say, 'daddy's home,'?"

Ranma stood up, and paused. He looked at the girls, then back to Ryoga. Ranma straightened the red tie he was wearing, and nodded, "Yeah, I think it'll work." Ranma walked over the the table in the corner of the Nekohanten where five girls seemed to be out for a girl's night.

Marshal asked, "Is there anything on the menu with garlic in it?" Lily pointed out the Garlic Fries, and after a moment Marshal said, "I'll get back to you on that."

Soon Ranma came back with a Saotome Cocky Bastard smile on his face and a yellow piece of paper in his hand, "Daddy's back. See Ryoga, if I had thought about what I was doing, I wouldn't have this sweetly written seven-digit love note from Ami."

Ryoga stared, fully aware that the cosmos were a big joke, "That worked. I hate the world."

"Ryoga, your problem is that you get to nervous, and you start over analyzing things. Then you start thinking they hate you, and you run away," Ranma summed up Ryoga's problem with meeting new women.

"It's just the way I am, it can't be helped," Ryoga lamented.

"Oh yes, it can," Ranma put one of the Dead Duck shots in front of Ryoga.

"Interesting," Marshal commented, his curiousity piqued.

"Ryoga," Ranma began, "I believe we met for a reason. It's like destiny was saying, 'Hey Ranma, you have all that extra confidence and awesomeness, why don't you share?'," Ranma pushed Ryoga's head with a finger, as if he were trying to bore into Ryoga's skull, "Your thick skull makes it hard for you to let your insecurities out. It happened with Akane, it happened with shortstacked, and it's going to keep happening until you get over it, with some serious Anything Goes Style Inebriation."

Ryoga shook his head, "You want me to do a shot?"

"No Ryoga, I want you to do five shots," Ranma answered sincerely.

"Even more interesting," Marshal smiled getting excited, "Ryoga, I think he's right. You need to drink."

Suddenly Marshal and Ranma started chanting, "Drink, drink, drink."

Ryoga was getting frustrated, "Lily, help me out, can you tell them their being stupid?"

Lily nodded, "You guys are being immature and moronic and ... drink, drink, drink!"

Ryoga sat there, as they continued chanting. He tried covering his ears. He tried buddhist chanting. He tried Zen meditation. Finally he gave up and took a shot of Dead Duck. "This isn't going to work anyways," Ryoga began as they continued their chant, "I have a strong body, alchohol cannot stop me."

Ryoga drank two more shots, "Not even any effect yet," he said as he had his fourth shot, "I've got a super high constitution."

***

"The last thing I remember was the fifth shot. I had a few hazy memories of a jungle, a fire, and a cellphone, but the next thing I remembered was waking up the next morning."

***

Author's Note: Going to end this here. I'd like to thank Mr. Qwerty and everyone who has reviewed my story so far, and for those who have my story on alert. I'm trying to average around 2000 words per chapter, so I'm ending this one here. Stay tuned to find out what a crazy night Ryoga had.


	6. Chapter 6

How Ryoga Met Your Mother

Chapter 6

Ryoga groaned as he slowly woke up. His head felt like someone had slammed the business end of an axe into it, and started shaking it back and forth. He rolled to his right to get a look at the time, and groaned again. The big red numbers showed 8:01. That had to be bad luck. Slowly sitting up, every muscle and hair in his body screamed in agony. He sat there on the edge of the bed, willing his body to stand, but nothing happened. After a while he looked back at his clock. Now it was 9:07.

Must have passed out again, he thought, his mind screamed at him a bit less. It was then that Ryoga noticed the most peculiar thing he had ever imagined seeing on his nightstand. A pineapple. Must have gotten lost, he thought to himself again. Grunting, Ryoga slipped on his pajama bottoms, and a long sleeved white shirt. He stood up, and immediately regretted it. His ankle gave out from under him and sent jolts of pain up his leg and spine. Bracing himself, and favoring his left leg, Ryoga wondered what had happened the night before. He remembered drinking the Dead Duck shots, but that was all.

Ryoga heard some shuffling, and looked back on the bed. Someone was sleeping in it. A woman was sleeping in his bed. What happened last night? Who did he get together with?

Ryoga headed out of his room, and found Marshal and Lily sitting on the couch in their pajamas, watching television. Lily heard him limping towards them, and after looking to see how he was, and with a big smile on her face, she greeted him, "Good morning Mr. 'I can handle five shots'. How'd you sleep last night?"

Ryoga sat on the recliner and looked at his two friends, "Guys, what happened last night?"

Lily sat up excited, "You don't remember? We'll tell you."

***

"I've got a super high constitution," Ryoga quickly drank the last shot.

"Ok, Ryoga, what are you going to do?" Ranma asked.

"I'm going to call Akane," Ryoga got up and started dialing. He waited, with the phone up to his ear, and then started talking, "Hey, Akane! Yeah, so how's it going? You know, you're great! Yeah, I know you're... okay, okay... I'll talk to you later."

Lily got up and after Ryoga was done with the phone, she took it from him, "No Ryoga! Friends don't let friends drink and call. You can have this back when you're sober."

Ranma walked up to her and quickly took the phone from her and returned it to Ryoga. "Here you go Ryoga, do what you want."

"You can't do that," Lily tried to stop Ryoga but he had moved over to the jukebox.

"Lily, the whole purpose of this is to get him to loosen up," Ranma tried to calm Lily down.

Suddenly some music started playing. "Ryoga...no, you wouldn't..." Marshal shook his head. Lily and Ranma sat back down and watched as Ryoga stood up on a square table and speed dialed his last call.

Ryoga started singing the song out of sync into the phone, "Since I met you before, something is shining deep in my mind. Something made me feel lonely, that's why I closed my eyes. Nothing special about what you did, and nothing special about what you said. Reminds me of -aaaah!" Ryoga had been singing and dancing when he fell off the table.

Marshal and Lily hurried over and helped Ryoga up to his feet. He had twisted his ankle, so they helped him up to the apartment, and helped him into bed. The whole time going up stairs he told them how much he loved them. "We love you too Drunk Ryoga," Marshal laughed at his friend.

"You guys are the best friends ever," Ryoga smiled up at them, before getting comfortable in the bed.

***

"And then we went to bed," Lily finished telling the story to Ryoga.

"Well, that explains why my ankle hurts, but who was I with last night?" Ryoga asked.

Suddenly, and quietly, Lily and Marshal rushed to the door of Ryoga's room. They peeked inside and were struck dumbfounded. Ryoga limped up to them, his ankle already improving. The couple closed the door, and stared at Ryoga. Lily asked what was eating away at her thoughts, "There's a girl on your bed... Why is there a girl on your bed? Who is she?"

"And the pineapple, where did the pineapple come from?" Marshal asked.

Ryoga gasped, and picked up his jacket that was strewn on a table by his bedroom door. "Guys look at my jacket," Ryoga picked it up and showed his friends the huge whole that was burned on the back of it. Ryoga said, "Maybe I went back downstairs?"

"If you did, then Ranma might of seen you, let's call him," Marshal reached over to the desk that sat by the window where they were at and dialed Ranma's phone number, before handing the phone over to Ryoga.

Ryoga stood there with the phone up to his ear waiting for it to ring. Suddenly, all three heard a phone ringing from the bath room. They rushed and limped over to investigate. Pulling back the shower curtain, they found Ranma, in his suit, sleeping in the bath tub. Ryoga asked him why he was there.

Ranma greeted them and explained, "The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling."

Lily suddenly realized something, "Wait were you awake in there when I used the bathroom this morning?"

"What? No! I didn't hear you pee. Oh, by the way, you have a pretty large tank for such a small girl," Ranma smiled as he got up.

"So Ranma, did you see me again last night after Marshal and Lily brought me upstairs?" Ryoga asked.

"Oh yeah, you came back alright. I'll tell you about it," Ranma smiled as they all moved into the living room, "it was about and hour later at nine when Ryoga came back downstairs."

***

Ryoga entered the Nekohanten, and with a smile and wave of his arms he greeted them all, "Hey I'm back!"

Ranma looked up from his place at the bar and smiled a triumphant smile at his friend Ryoga. Waiving his friend over, Ranma ordered a beer for him. "Welcome back Ryoga! Good for you! Now, you ready to pick up some girls?" Ranma asked, a patented Saotome Super Happy smile on his face.

"Oh yeah!" Ryoga grinned, accepting the drink.

"Perfect, because I got a beauty over here all lined up for you, follow me," Ranma turned around and walked over to a blond woman sitting alone at a small table. He smiled at her as he sat down next to her, "Hello, have you met Ryoga?"

Ranma noticed the blank look on her face, and turned around to find the Ryoga had walked away and was on the phone. Sighing, he excused himself away from the girl, and walked up to Ryoga. "Ryoga, what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm calling Akane," Ryoga said, as he tried to find her number on his phone.

"Ryoga, I forbid you from calling Akane. You need to move on from that, and find a girl that's here, so that you can get past this whole Akane phase," Ranma tried to take the phone from Ryoga, but Ryoga dodged his attempts. "You know what," Ranma conceded, "Go ahead and call her, but if you do, I'm going to set your clothes on fire.

Ryoga found Akane's number and called. He held up the phone to his ear, and said, "Hey, Akane, I just wanted to let you know -aaaagh!"

***

Ranma looked at Ryoga's burnt jacket, "Real suede wouldn't of gone up so fast, this is a blend. You've been robbed."

Ryoga stared at his friend, "You set me on fire!" After calming down some, Ryoga asked, "So what happened after that?"

Ranma shrugged his shoulders and said, "After I hosed you down with the beer gun, I brought you upstairs and put you to bed."

"And no one was with me?" Ryoga asked, starting to get frustrated with the whole situation.

Ranma stared at Ryoga, then rushed over to his friend's room. Quietly opening the door, he looked at the girl sleeping face down in Ryoga's bed. Ranma closed the door and turned back to the group, "There's a girl in your bed. Who is she? Is she alive?"

"I don't know," Ryoga answered, scratching an itch on his arm.

"Nice!" Ranma smiled at his friend.

"Did you notice the pineapple? Am I the only one curious about the pineapple?" Marshal asked.

Ryoga shook his head and continued scratching his right arm. He pulled the sleeve back up when he noticed something very strange. "Guys ... look at this," Ryoga held up his exposed arm for the group to see. On the inside of it, were the words, 'My name is Ryoga, if you find me, call 347-555-1901.'

"Call the number," Marshal whispered, entranced and excited.

Ryoga, dialed the number and waited. "Um, hello, who is this?"

"You called me, who are you?" came the annoyed voice from the other side of the phone.

"Um, this is Ryoga," Ryoga grimaced waiting for the answer.

"Oh Ryoga, this is Mu Tse, from the bar," the voice on the other end of the phone said.

Ryoga put the phone on speaker and asked Mu Tse what happened the night before, "You came downstairs, and immediately announced that you were going to go throw up. You went to the bathroom. About ten minutes later you came back, talking about wanting to visit penguins. So I wrote my number on your arm, so that if you got in trouble I could go pick you up. That's when you decided that you were going to call Akane. After that you went outside and got into a cab."

"Thanks Mu Tse," Ryoga hung up the phone and looked at his friends, "It's Akane. Oh Kami, what does this mean?" Ryoga stood up and started pacing, limping only once in a while.

"I think you need to go in there and talk to her," Lily stated sagely.

"You're right," Ryoga walked into his bedroom, his friends excitedly waiting in the living room. Ryoga approached the other side of the bed, when his phone rang. Quickly answering it, he stood in shock, "Are you sure?" he asked to the phone before coming back out of the room.

"What's going on?" Marshal asked confused.

Ryoga stared at them, "It's not Akane, she just called and she's on her way over."

Ranma looked confused, "If it's not Akane who is it?"

Suddenly, a tall beautiful brunette came out of Ryoga's room. She was only wearing an over-sized tee shirt and house slippers, she said, "Hi, my name is Makoto, sorry about this," she smiled nervously. She then told them what happened the night before.

***

At the Nekohanten, Makoto sat with four of her friends. She took a sip of the wine in front of her and made her announcement, "You know, I have half a mind to just hook up with the next guy I see. After breaking up with my last boyfriend, I just want to get back on the saddle." Her friends raised their glasses to toast her proclamation.

Slyly, a tall, well dressed Ranma with a pig-tail hairstyle, walked up to them. He was kind of cute, until he said, "Daddy's home." The girls shuddered, and stared at him as if he were a lunatic.

"Maybe the next guy after him," Makoto quickly whispered to her friends with a laugh.

Ranma grimaced but simply stated, "Fair enough," then as Ranma grabbed a pen out of his pocket and started writing something down on one of the napkins, he looked at one of Makoto's friends sitting across from her and said, "Your name is now Ami, and you just gave me your phone number. I have to convince my friend about something."

As Ranma walked away, Ami looked at the others, slightly disturbed and asked, "How did he know my name?"

Later on, Makoto laughed with her friends as Ryoga sang, and then fell off the table. "He's kinda cute," she laughed. Her friends made fun of her that he was the third cute guy already that night, and that anyone would make her say that.

As the night was coming to a close, and her girlfriends had to leave, Makoto went to the restroom to wash her hands. Scaring her, the dark haired Ryoga came out of the bathroom stall behind her. He stared at her and asked her, "What are you doing in the men's bathroom? Wait, what am I doing in the women's bathroom?"

Makoto turned around and looked at him, "What are you doing in the women's restroom," she emphasised her words.

"I came in here to throw up," he smiled.

"And did you?" she asked him.

"Nope," he walked up to her and started washing his hands boldly. Makoto laughed at him. He smiled at her and said, "I haven't thrown up since 1993."

"Vomit free since ninety-three huh?" she laughed, as he seemed to like the rhyme.

"Vomit free since two-o-five doesn't sound as good," he smiled at her, then as he dried his hands asked her, "Hey, you know, I know we just met and all, but ... could I get your phone number?"

"Sure," she smiled at him, and as he pulled out his phone, he seemed to be having trouble finding the numbers. She took the phone from him and told him she'd put it in for him, "My name is Makoto by the way," she smiled at him as she finished adding herself to his contacts list.

Ryoga accepted his phone back and looked at the number she entered, he pressed to dial, and said to her, "My name's Ryoga, and ... oh hey it works," he hung up quickly, "And now you know my number."

She smiled at him, "Hey I have to go okay?" They said their goodbyes to each other.

It was only ten minutes later, after Makoto had gotten into a cab, when she received a phone call from Ryoga. He convinced her to hook up that night. She had the cab turn around, and pick up Ryoga.

***

Makoto had to just gotten to the point where Ryoga joined her in the cab, when there was a knocking on the door. Ryoga suddenly remembered the Akane was on her way. "Quick, hide in my room," Ryoga started trying to move Makoto.

"What? Why? Is that your girlfriend?" Makoto started getting pissed off.

"No, it's complicated," Ryoga tried to explain.

"So she's your wife?" Makoto was now angry and hurt, that she always picked the wrong guy.

"No," Ryoga's voice softened, "I'll explain it to you in a bit, but I need to talk to her first, before she sees you."

Makoto, went into his room, and Ryoga rushed to answer the door. Akane walked in, and was surprised to find all their friends over so early in the morning. "Listen, Ryoga, we need to talk about those phone calls last night."

Lily and Marshal dragged Ranma to the kitchen, saying they suddenly had to check on the stove. Akane was glad that they were giving her and Ryoga space to talk. She looked back at Ryoga, but before she could say anything, Ryoga said, "Look, I'm sorry about those calls last night."

Akane was annoyed, "Ryoga, you have to move on, if you don't we won't be able to stay friends."

"I have moved on, I met someone last night," Ryoga explained.

"Really? Because you kept leaving messages like this," Akane pulled out her phone and played one of the messages Ryoga had left on her phone the night before. She turned on the speakerphone, and Ryoga's voice came through.

"Hey Akane, answer the phone! If you don't pick up I'm going to keep making this noise. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" Akane turned off the message, and grimaced at Ryoga.

"That goes on for another three minutes," Akane clarified.

"Three minutes without catching my breath? That's has to be a world record," Ryoga laughed.

"Seriously, Ryoga, what are you going to do about this," Akane said, trying to break through his jokes.

"Akane, I really have moved on, last night, I shut down my brain, that's why you got those calls, but I really have moved on. I'll show you," Ryoga led her to his room, and opened the door. "Makoto, come out, it's okay now."

Akane looked around, "So you're going to show me your imaginary girlfriend?"

"No, she was here," Ryoga noticed the window was open, "She must have gone down the fire escape."

***

"And that was that. Akane and I remained friends, and Makoto didn't return my phone calls. Sometimes you get drunk, and all that you get out of it is a headache, and a bad taste in your mouth. Either way, it's never a solution," Ryoga concluded.

"Dad, can we finish this later, I have homework," Ryoga's son interrupted before his father could start up again.

"Sure, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow," Ryoga hugged his kids goodnight, as they fled to do homework, or go meet up with friends.

***

Author's Note: Six chapters! Wow, this is not the longest I've ever written. Onwards and upwards to more chapters! Coming soon: Lily loses her apartment and moves in with the boys. Ryoga tries for Akane again, but ends up missing his chance, and meets a very pretty chef.

Stay tooned for these stories, and also, how Ranma became a suit wearing womanizer thanks to ..... well keep reading to find out!

Also, thank you Mr. Qwerty for the pointing out my grammer error! Fix'd.


	7. Chapter 7

How Ryoga Met Your Mother

Chapter 7

Ryoga waits for his kids outside of Fujinomiya High School. His graying hair resists the howl of wind in the cold winter air. Ryoga decides to lean against the wall, facing away from the school. The bell rings, and a few minutes later his kids walk past him, arguing, and do not notice their father following them.

Instinctively, Ryoga's son dodges the attack from his sister. He leans almost ninety degrees backwards as her backpack arcs through the air, the force creating a vacuum blade that cuts a tree on the other side of the street in half. He stands back up and sticks his tongue out at her, "Your swing is as wide as your mouth, 'Que boca'!"

Kibouka slams her fist into her brother's face, the impact sending him across the street, skipping once half way there, before slamming into a thick concrete wall. Quickly taking out a talisman from her subspace pocket, she chants a spell, and sends a column of flame to descend on her brother. Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she turns, sees her father, and quickly cancels the spell before her brother gets burned.

Embarrassment flushes her face, her mind quickly trying to justify a reason to incinerate her brother. She weakly smiles at her father, and says, "My name isn't pronounced 'que boca', it's pronounced 'ki-bo-ka', you'd think he'd get that after all these years, huh daddy?"

Ryoga sighs at his daughter trying to look cute behind her thick eyelashes. Soon his son joins them, and Ryoga looks sternly at him and chastises him, "How many times have I told you not to tease your sister, we named you, Hogoshaku, because we thought you'd be able to protect her, instead you're her biggest threat."

Hogoshaku sighs and apologizes to his sister. With a big smile she "gratefully" accepts. Ryoga leads them to a nearby KFC, and they decide to eat there. Excitedly, and innocently they order their food, never realizing its all an elaborate trap set by their father.

It isn't until their mouths are full and he starts telling his story, that they realize the mistake they made. They are trapped, and now they are going to spend the next two hours listening to the tale, of how their father eventually meets their mother. With luck, this would be the last one. Ryoga smiles and begins, "When I first started developing Anything Goes Architecture Martial Arts, I had some unique training exercises. Things that would never be used when teaching the style today."

Ryoga shifts in his seat, getting more comfortable, "I had a coffee maker called Old Sparky. Whenever I used it, I'd be shocked, and it would allow me to study the flow of currents in the apartment complex. I was working on how to map out the pathways to help with my sense of direction. Sometimes I'd run the water from the faucet, while trying to stare into it. Other times, I'd go to construction sites, and lift beams, and crush boulders. I remember, it was near the beginning of December, and I was practicing with Old Sparky, when Aunt Lily came home with Aunt Akane, and told us that her apartment was gone."

"Wait," Kibouka interrupts her father, "didn't Aunt Lily live with you and Uncle Marshal?"

"Actually, before that, no, she had her own place, she just never really went there," Ryoga answers, "She had gone by to pick up some winter clothes."

***

"Good Morning," Ryoga greeted Marshal, as he walked over to the kitchen. Marshal gave a reply, as he sat on the couch, his ninja quickly dispatching some demons on screen. Ryoga did some quick warm up exercises before going in, he took Old Sparky, an ancient electric coffee maker, from the shelf. Developed in the Mountains of Tibet, by the lunatic inventor, Taban, Old Sparky was made completely of steel, and conducted the electricity from any plug you put it into through the unit, and into the owner.

Ryoga gave Marshal a warning that he was about to plug in Old Sparky. Quickly saving his game, Marshal waited, while Ryoga proceeded to pump 120 volts for the entire brew of the coffee. "Getting any further with that training there Ryoga?" Marshal asked, as Ryoga quickly recovered from his electrocution.

His heart accelerated, as darkness surrounded Ryoga. Currents of electricity sprang to life. Ryoga turned to Marshal, seeing his body's electric field. Ryoga saw from behind, that two people were coming up the stairs. Ryoga smiled at Marshal, and calmly said, "We have visitors."

As the last syllable left Ryoga's lips, the front door opened, and Marshal jumped, astonishment written all over his face. Lily and Akane walked in through the door, as Marshal stared at his arm, "Dude, goosebumps."

Ryoga blinked, and staggered, as his vision returned to normal. Rubbing his eyes, he poured some coffee as he greeted the two girls who had just come in. He could tell Lily was upset, as she flopped on the couch. Curious, despite the discovery of a new technique, he asked her what was wrong.

Lily finally reacted to Ryoga's probing, and after noticing Marshal's concern, she began to gather her thoughts. She tried to answer but couldn't quite begin explaining the events that happened earlier that morning. Finally, Akane volunteered the answer.

"She lost her apartment," Akane sat next to Ryoga on the love seat, and took his coffee from him. She took a sip as Marshal began asking Lily what had happened. She spit the coffee back into the cup, nausea bringing bile to her throat, and returned the cup to Ryoga.

Ryoga gave Akane a disapproving glare and set the cup down on the table, trying not to think about what it now contained. Akane returned his gaze as if saying, "What did you expect, it tastes rusty."

After finally putting all her words together, Lily explained how she had lost her home.

***

Lily stared at what used to be her apartment. The sign above it was unintelligible. Her wide eyes came down to the sign inviting people into her apartment. The front door was replaced by a glass door. A sign on the window that used to be a wall said, "Japanese Pizza". Lily couldn't even imagine what would make a pizza suddenly so Japanese, or why they would need to invade her apartment to sell it.

Akane was confused, but waited until Lily cleared things up. Maybe, Lily was hungry, or lost, or even confused by what the sign said. So Akane did her best to clear it up, "It says, okonomiyaki. It's a food dish from Japan. I had it a few times, it's pretty good. Do you want to go in and try some before we go to your apartment?"

Lily stifled a scream. She took a deep breath and chocked a little bit. She finally looked over at Akane and explained, "But you see, this is my apartment. They replaced it with this eatery."

Akane was still confused, she didn't know how to respond. Seeing Lily going into the store, she followed. The place was quietly busy, mostly businessmen eating some breakfast. From behind the grill they were greeted by a cheerful, and energetic Japanese welcome.

Lily didn't even respond. She looked around, seeing people eating off of her plates. Drinking out of her cups. Finally the last straw, on the floor, was a stain from where she had dropped nail polish. "See right there, that red spot!" She showed it to Akane.

Suddenly the chef came from behind the counter. Her brown hair was tied back with a white bow. She looked at Lily as if she was an illusion then finally greeted her, "Hello, Lily. It's good to finally see you!"

Lily looked at the woman, trying to remember where she might know her from. Nothing came to mind. Finally deciding that she didn't know who the chef was, Lily asked her, "I don't know you. How do you know me?"

The woman apologized and bowed down briefly, "Sorry, I'm Ukyo, this is my restaurant. I recognize you from your pictures."

Finally, someone else who knew that this was supposed to be her living room. Lily knew she was finally going to solve this mystery invasion. She asked, "What happened to my apartment? I kept up with my rent payments, and I know I didn't have a lease agreement per se, but Mrs. Ikouku would remember me. She was really old, but she wouldn't of forgotten me."

Lily paused. Something was wrong. It had been three months since she had visited her apartment. If it was gone, then only one truth remained, no matter how horrible. "She's dead isn't she?"

Ukyo nodded, "I'm sorry sugar, but, she died, we bought up the lease from the Realtors. Here I have some of your things you can take."

***

The food was halfway gone by the time Ryoga finishes retelling the events leading up to Lily moving in with him back in 2005. His son is gnawing away on a chicken leg, while his daughter is dipping some chicken strips into some honey mustard.

Hogoshaku finishes swallowing before asking, "How much could things change though? I mean, you said so yourself, you guys practically lived together anyways."

Ryoga nods, understanding where his son is coming from. He continues his explanation, "You see, when she was just visiting, she didn't have any of her things there. But with the move, she brought her perfectly working coffee maker, her paintings, her clothes, some of her furniture. Suddenly our spartan dude dwelling, became a crowded apartment. And I started feeling myself being crowded out. Even by the very next day, I had found Old Sparky in the trash."

Kibouka interrupts, "Then how did you finally finish your training?"

Ryoga hesitates, then explains, "Well, I started visiting construction sites as part of my job. There I'd start lifting beams, and crushing rocks barehanded for strength training. As for the electrical training, Marshal said that I might have to come up with something less lethal to train the students anyways. For the rest of that year I didn't make much progress with it. Things ended up being unresolved, and we settled into a quiet uncomfortableness. Then during the holidays, Lily and Marshal went to visit his family, and after they came back, things were as if nothing had ever happened. We figured we just needed time to adjust, but, later when we finally talked about it, we agreed we should have talked about it back then."

The three of them clean up and start walking home, Hogoshaku taking the lead, with Kibouka walking next to her father. The sun, setting in the late afternoon sky cast long shadows ahead of the trio. Fences were on either side of the small street as they walk home. Finally, Kibouka asked, "What was the next step in your path to meeting mother?"

Ryoga smiles instinctively. Happy that his kids were starting to take an interest in his story. He nods a bit, thinking about where things left off. He looks at the darkening sky and continues, "After the holidays and New Years, which were both lonely events for me, came a note in the mail. An invitation to a wedding of one of our friends. Ranma, Marshal and Lily knew them as well, this was before we met Akane. They had hit it off pretty well, and finally set a date for the wedding. You may remember how back in the 90s the world was almost invaded by aliens? Well, he was the one who saved us all, and ended up marrying the alien princess to boot."

Hogoshaku turns around, his mind buzzing. "I don't remember that at all," he said, walking backwards with ease.

Kibouka laughs, "Of course, you haven't learned modern history yet, you're too young, Little Brother."

"Anyways," Ryoga interrupts, before they start another fight, "His name was Ataru and her name was Lum. Now when you get a wedding invitation, and it asks you, single or guest. It's asking you, where do you see yourself in a couple of months? With a date? Or hitting on a bridesmaid? I was always hopeful, so I always checked +1. As the wedding day approached, I was beginning to think that I wouldn't have a date to take, but then heaven smiled down on me. Akane and her boyfriend, the MMA enthusiast, broke up, and I thought, that I would have a chance at getting her to go out with me."

***

Ryoga's eyes shined like a thousand suns. His step was bouncy and free. He even did a pirouette as he crossed the street. Ryoga was ecstatic. Over and over he chanted, "She said yes, she said yes, she said yes."

People in the street quickly moved out of the way. Others from across the street wondered if there was some sort of a promotion going on. One woman thought he was kind of cute, as she flipped the sign of her store to open.

It was with little surprise to Ryoga however, as he came down from his emotional high, that he was now lost. Quickly glancing around, he realized that he had somehow made it to the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Sighing, he started walking back to New York. No point in being happy if you're not going to be back in time for it, Ryoga thought to himself. He was just glad that Akane was going with him to the wedding.

Picturing it in his head, Ryoga saw himself dancing with Akane. Her body pressed close to his, as they leaned forward, and kissed.

Quacking and a flutter of wings snapped Ryoga out of his daydream. Ryoga set down the duck he was about to make-out with. Ryoga straightened his shirt, looking around to get his bearings, Ryoga spotted a large alien spaceship in the middle of a field. Recognizing it as Lum's ship he approached it, hoping to get a ride home.

The ship was yellow and black with tiger like stripes on the outside. Shaped like a frog, it squatted in the field, it's front ramp hanging open. Walking up to the sealed front door, Ryoga located the greeting bell, soon the door sliding back and up to let him in. The inside of the ship, was like some sort of 1950s art deco project submitted by a drunk and sex deprived failure of an artist.

Lum flew up to Ryoga, her body not even decently covered by her black striped bikini. Long green hair bounced and flowed as she gracefully twisted through the air, a perverse slow motion peepshow. She finally settled down and invited Ryoga to join her on visiting chamber's couch.

Ryoga held his nose, and leaned forward, hoping to stop his nose from bleeding. Feeling the hot rush of blood finally cooling as he acclimated to Lum's sexuality, Ryoga finally joined her on the couch. "Hey Lum, what are you doing in Washington D.C.? I thought the wedding was up in New York."

Lum laughed right in Ryoga's face before she could stop herself. She quickly covered her mouth, but her eyes still sparkled with laughter. Finally she replied, "Ryoga, we are in New York. Want me to drop you off at home?"

Ryoga laughed half-heatedly, and nodded. He tried looking everywhere but at Lum. Her body always had an effect on him, and he still wondered how she seemed to be so in love with Ataru. Traces of the upcoming wedding could be seen through out the sitting room. Trying to change the subject away from his sense of direction, Ryoga decided to talk about his latest bit of good news, "So I asked Akane to go to the wedding with me, I think you'll like meeting her."

Lum's eyebrows came together, and a partially pained look crossed her face. Relaxing a bit, she asked slowly, "What do you mean you invited someone? You RSVP'd to come alone. I can't fit anybody else, it's far too late for that."

Ryoga grasped for a response, his mouth stuttering like a motorboat. "I already invited her, I'm pretty sure I marked plus one, I always mark plus one just in case!" Ryoga stood up and began pacing around the bolted couch.

Lum flipped her hair and as nonchalantly as she could muster, said, "Well we're at your home, too bad you're going to have to tell her she can't come."

A push of a button later, and Ryoga was dropped off on the roof of his apartment building. He hadn't even known they were flying.

***

"Luckily, all I had to do was call Ataru. He gave permission for me to bring Akane. I didn't even imagine it would ruin everything."

***

Finally making it home, Ryoga greeted Marshal and Lily. Lily smiled at Ryoga, "I've been out all day shopping with Akane. She's going to look so good!"

Ryoga smiled at Lily, "Yeah, almost didn't make it. According to Lum, I marked myself as going alone. Ataru okay-ed it though."

Marshal nodded, "See Lily, a wedding is 50/50 between the man and the woman."

Lily looked aghast, "You went behind the bride? Ryoga you never go behind the bride! This will end badly!"

As Lily spoke her prophetic doom came to pass. The signal was clear as night and day. The phone rang. Answering the phone, Lily already understood what the sound of Lum's voice meant. She nodded, not realizing the Lum couldn't see it. Finally she hung up, and stared at Ryoga. "Lum and Ataru had a big fight, they're not getting married."

Ryoga and Marshal stared. Finally, getting his brain to function again, Ryoga asked, "What happened?"

"They fought over Ataru allowing you to bring your date. Pretty soon she electrocuted him, and he gave up and walked out. She said, since you're the cause of the break-up, that you can pay her father back for the wedding."

Ryoga sat down with an audible thump. His body limp, and molding onto the surface of the recliner. Looking at Lily, he asked, "How much?"

"One trillion dollars. Essentially, all the gas on the planet," Lily answered with a measured tone, "You have to go talk to him Ryoga. Take Marshal with you, you can't let this happen!"

With a nod, Marshal and Ryoga left to find Ataru.

***

Ataru opened the door and let Marshal and Ryoga inside. The hotel room, was a suite near the top floor, Ataru immediately went back to packing away his clothes. "Sorry I can't offer you guys anything, but I have to finish packing."

Ryoga nodded for a bit before snapping himself into action, "You can't break up with Lum! You know what will happen to the planet! What her people will do!"

Ataru slowed down, but then shook his head in resolution, "No. You don't live with her! I'm always getting shocked. It's too much work! It's too hard to keep her happy! I'm going to stop this wedding, and I'm going to go out and have fun! I miss bar hopping with you guys. I miss being single."

Ryoga sighed in frustration, he knew this argument well, Ataru never failed to use it. Ryoga went with the usual reply, "Ataru, what you have now, is what I want. To have someone to be with. Someone who will be there for the rest of our lives. Besides, do you really miss being puked on? Do you really miss being alone?"

Before Ataru could answer Marshal jumped in, "You know what Ataru, don't. You see, a relationship is work. It's hard work. You have to make compromises, and you have to know when not to fight about something. But, when you're with someone you love, it's easy. It's easy, because you love them, and you want to do those things for them. If you don't love Lum, then don't marry her. All you'll be doing is hurting the both of you."

"Marshal!" Ryoga despaired, thinking of the world being angry with him for costing them all of the gasoline on the planet.

Ataru stood in stunned silence. Finally he understood, he understood everything. He nodded to Marshal, "You're right, it should be easy, but I do love her, and I'm willing to work on it to make it easy."

***

Ryoga walks along with his two children. They are coming up to the house, but stand just outside the door, not wanting to dispel the illusion that Ryoga's story has cast on the three. "We took Ataru to see Lum, by the time we found her, she was at the Nekohanten, drunk, and talking to your Uncle Ranma. Ataru apologized, and the wedding was back on. Lum even let me bring Akane along. A couple of days later, it was the wedding, and I went to pick Akane up at her apartment."

***

Ryoga knocked on the olive green door. Within moments, Akane opened the door from the other side, and smiled broadly, and radiantly at the nervous Ryoga. Ryoga handed a bouquet of roses to Akane, and she invited him inside. "You look amazing," Ryoga drank in her long bluish-black hair. She was wearing a velvety red dress, that hugged her body the way he wished he could. Every move she made invited his eyes to feast on her beauty.

Akane relished the attention he was giving her. "You don't look so bad yourself. Well, let's get going."

The two headed downstairs to the taxi that Ryoga had left waiting. As they came up to it, a fat dorky man with curly hair, and a tee shirt with some unknown meme ran up to them. Akane immediately recognized one of the interns from Metro News One. He spoke in a voice that was two parts nerd, and one part geek, "Akane, Kuno couldn't make it, he caught the Bird Flu! You have to be anchor tonight!"

Akane panicked, "When do I have to be in?"

"Right now, come on!" said the sweaty intern.

Akane finally remembered how she was dressed, and where she was going. She turned to Ryoga, an apology written across her face. "I'm sorry Ryoga. But, this is my dream, and my chance at becoming an anchor!"

Ryoga understood, he knew how much Akane had been longing for this opportunity. "It's okay, go before you're late."

Akane hugged Ryoga, and then followed the intern to the Metro News One Van. Ryoga got into the taxi, and went to Lum's wedding.

Thinking back to what Marshal had said, Ryoga realized that being with Akane was just not meant to be. It should be easy, Marshal had said. But being with Akane was anything but easy.

***

"I got to that wedding with the thought, that it would be the beginning of the rest of my life. Little did I know, how close to the truth I was at the time."

***

Author's Note: Ending the chapter now. I had one more scene for this chapter, but decided to leave it into the next one, since I've already taken too long with this chapter. I've been working on my writing, reading books about it, etc etc. The more chapters I write the more I feel my "voice" bleeding into the work. I'm really happy with the results.

I don't use a beta reader, so I usually have to take an extra day or two after posting, where I go back through and edit text. So if you notice any errors, and it's been a week since I posted the story, then that means I missed that mistake. For right now, I'll try to post the chapter as soon as I have it done, and then fix it afterwards as I plan out the next chapter.

Thanks to Baitdcat, Jeune Lune, and coughdrop101 for their reviews. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and put this story on notice so far.


	8. Chapter 8

How Ryoga Met Your Mother

Chapter 8

Ranma stared, a couple tables over, at a beautiful young bridesmaid. Her short brown silky hair complemented her mocha colored skin, her breasts were the size of juicy melons. Next to her, was a beautiful red-head with spiky long hair, and dark inviting eyes. Her dress was slit up one leg almost past her hip. They were talking to a cute woman with long brown hair tied back with a bow, her dress was black and short enough to only leave a small portion of her thighs to the imagination.

An annoying sound began buzzing in Ranma's ear. Becoming faintly aware that Ryoga was talking about something, Ranma let him finish before letting him in on what his plan was. "Yeah, that's great, but look at those bridesmaids over there Ryoga. Two eights and a seven. Now I'm willing to bring myself down to a 15, and let you have one of the eights. What do you say?"

Ryoga wanted to be repulsed by Ranma. He wanted to say no. Ryoga wanted to wait for Akane. But, he also realized that Akane and him would never happen. Their relationship was refusing to work, as if fate was dealing him a poker-hand and all he wanted to do was play blackjack. Ryoga looked over at the three bridesmaids. He made his decision. With a nod at Ranma, Ryoga got up, and they both approached the bridesmaids' table.

***

Morning burst into Ryoga's room like some rude nosy neighbor. The morning light disenchanted Ryoga's reality, taking away his dreams, making them fade into oblivion. The world was just as miserable and lonely as ever. Except. Except that now Ryoga had a set of memories filtering through his mind. Memories that shoved their way to the front of his thoughts. Memories that brought a smile to his face that he hoped would never leave.

The clock said it was almost ten in the morning, and Ryoga decided to take it's word for it, though, it had been a few minutes off before. Looking back at the bed, wishing to see the girl of his dreams there, he sighed, when he found himself to be alone. Her chocolate brown hair wafted through his mind's vision.

Ryoga threw on some sweat pants and a shirt. He took a deep breath, thought about her again, and went to get himself some coffee. Marshal and Lily were already up, sitting on the couch like they always did after breakfast. I was the last bit of coffee that sat warming in Lily's coffee maker. Ryoga poured himself some.

Lily and Marshal looked at each other, sharing one of their silent conversations they usually had when trying to not let anyone know what they were thinking. So close were their thoughts, that they knew what the other was thinking, and often no words were even needed for them to share their thoughts, but merely a look. They were gazing at each other when Ryoga joined them. Lily looked back to Ryoga and smiled, "So where did you disappear to last night?"

Ryoga remembered her again. He remembered her smile, and smiled himself. He looked at Marshal and Lily, a goofy silent grin on his face. He said, "Last night was one of the best nights of my life."

Marshal matched Ryoga's goofy smile, remembering the wedding the previous night, remembering the dreams that stalked even his waking mind, "Tell me about it, that cake was amazing! My stomach wouldn't shut up about it."

Marshal was thinking with his stomach again. Then again, coming from a family as big and tall as Marshal's it wasn't surprising. They were like giants among mortals. Ryoga paused, imagining Marshal hurling rocks as knights tried to reach him at the top of a hill, then Ryoga laughed healthily at Marshal, "That cake is haunting you, huh?"

Marshal nodded, his eyes huge with frosty desire. Lily laughed along with Ryoga. She had been dealing with Marshal talking about the cake all night, even when they had been celebrating their first agreement in the wedding planning that morning. She looked back at Ryoga, "Okay, enough with the cake, so what happened last night?"

Ryoga stopped laughing, a little abruptly. Chocolate colored hair floated on the edges of his vision. He thought for a moment before saying, "I met the most amazing woman last night, and I'll never see her again. And it's better that way."

Marshal and Lily were confused. They wondered what was so great about never seeing someone amazing again? With curiosity nibbling at them, they allowed Ryoga to proceed with his story.

***

Ryoga sat across from the cute woman with a short, tight black dress, and a white bow that held her hair up. Her eyes gleamed with laughter and an inward happiness seen in those who do what they love for a living. She was sipping on rice wine, while Ryoga drank scotch. She smiled at him. "I should tell you, before we go any further, I have a rule. I never hook up at weddings."

Ryoga silently and inwardly lamented his luck. She must have had many bad experiences. Another one, who would not commit. Better to start off on safe grounds like this, than to not start at all. Ryoga smiled at her, curiously leaning forward a bit. He spoke, teasingly, "I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule."

She smiled again. She gazed at his handsome features, and strong shoulders. His eyes echoed into her soul. She explained, "These big romantic moments, are not real. People walk around with wedding goggles."

Ryoga understood where she was coming from. He was so pent up with frustration, with just wanting to be happy and together with someone, that he often would not notice things for what they really were. He nodded, understanding her on a level she might never of expected him to. He decided to let go of his past for tonight. He needed to give up on Akane. He needed to move on. He said, "I know what you mean. For example, I first saw you, when you were out on the dance floor, doing the chicken dance. I must say, I fell in love at first sight."

She genuinely laughed, all the way to her eyes. She leaned forward a bit more, almost imperceptibly, like a ninja. This time she teased him, "You should see me tap-dance. You'd be down on bended knee."

Ryoga laughed at himself, and muttered, "That wouldn't be too far from the truth." He took another drink from his scotch, and smiled at her again, "That's why I'm not even flirting with you."

She looked at him in mock shock. Her hands were playing with the thick napkin that sat in front of her. She was distractedly folding it into different origami shapes. She smiled as she spoke, "You mean, these aren't your moves?"

Ryoga shook his head, no. He thought of what he had done to get Akane's attention. He flushed a little, feeling foolish. He finished his scotch to buy himself some time and to regain confidence. Ryoga explained, "People ten tables away, would know if I was putting the moves on you."

She looked disappointed, the way her head bobbed a little, sank a tiny bit. Her eyes looked at him and through him. Maybe her denial had come out too strongly. Coming up with an idea to spend more time with her handsome new acquaintance, she said, "That's too bad. But, I think I have a solution, if you're interested."

The damnable light of hope lit the end of the night. Ryoga nodded, eager to keep talking with her. Wanting to figure out who she was. Hoping they would connect on some mystical deep level. Or more honestly, some carnal level as well.

"Let me just say, first, that we are not going to have sex tonight," she began.

"Less interested," Ryoga teased, hoping his frustration didn't leak into his words. She laughed again, with the smile all the way to her eyes. He was starting to like that smile.

***

Marshal and Lily were sitting quietly as he told his story. Ryoga finished his coffee and continued, "So she made the suggestion, of us just making it a one night deal. No contact after the party. No names, no numbers, no email. Nothing."

"Oh that's lame," Marshal shook his head.

"What's wrong with you?" Lily sighed at Ryoga's continued ineptitude.

"No it was great," Ryoga came to his own defense, "I had a great night. And now it will never be ruined."

Marshal tried to find the words to properly explain to Ryoga the magnitude of his mistake, "Ryoga. Last night, I had the most amazing cake in my life. Do you think I'm just going to let it out of my life? No, I'm going to find out what bakery made that cake, and then I'm going to get more cake."

Ignoring her husbands continued obsession, Lily asked, "What happened next?"

Flashes of the previous night played back in Ryoga's head. He closed his eyes focusing on them. Remembering in detail her hair, and eyes. He remembered her dress, and even the cute white bow on her head. Ryoga opened his eyes and gave them the highlights, "We came up with fake names. She decided on Buttercup, and I chose Butch."

"PPG, awesome," Marshal smiled and high-fived Ryoga.

Ryoga continued, "First I took a couple of wine glasses and a bottle of champagne. Then, as I called for Lum and Ataru to kiss, Buttercup stole the bouquet."

Lily nodded in agreement, "Good for her, that's a horrible tradition."

Ryoga continued, "We danced, we talked, we almost kissed."

Marshal and Lily looked at each other, and Marshal asked, "How do you almost kiss?"

Ryoga remembered sitting down with Buttercup. Their faces coming closer, his heart beating in his chest, the smell of her lipstick. His mouth parted slightly. Her breath lightly teasing his lips. They breathed heavily, their eyes closed. Briefly their noses made a connection, and it was like a lightning bolt. Ryoga could see her electrical field, his senses were on edge. He opened his eyes and backed away, no longer trusting himself.

Back in the present, Ryoga simply answered, "It was all part of her plan, to have it not be real. Just the drum roll as she put it. But ...."

Marshal knew what Ryoga was thinking. He knew his best friend had finally understood the mistake he had made. "So you didn't get her real name at all?"

Ryoga shook, his head, "I guess, I'll never see her again."

Lily couldn't believe that all of it was lost, "She sounds amazing. Was she there with anyone else? Maybe someone knew her?"

Ryoga lit up. "Ranma hooked up with one of the bridesmaids at her table! She might know who Buttercup really is! I just have to ask Ranma to call her up."

***

"No," Ranma shook his head, and took another drink from his beer. The Nekohanten was mostly empty, and he sat with Marshal and Ryoga in their usual booth.

"But Ranma, I really like this girl," Ryoga pleaded, trying to annoy Ranma into submission.

Ranma ignored the whining in Ryoga's voice. If only his friend could see the futility and wrongness of going after just one girl. Ranma stood his ground, "First of all, I told that girl I was going to the Peace Corp. I'm supposed to be flying to Guatemala right now. Second, I never call a girl a second time."

Ryoga couldn't believe that Ranma was trying to ruin his chance at love. There must be some weakness he could exploit in Ranma. Ryoga remembered something that Ranma was always trying to drag him to, Ryoga said, "Okay, how about if you call her, I'll agree to go to Foxy Boxing with you."

Blood pounded in Ranma's ears for a split second. He looked at Ryoga, appraising his friends earnestness. Ranma said, "But, you said that Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy nor good at boxing."

A smile weaseled it's way onto Ryoga's face. He knew he had said the right thing. Now to seal the deal, Ryoga said, "I'm ready to be proven wrong."

A speed dial later, and Ranma was talking to the bridesmaid from the night before. Ryoga sat in rapt attention, listening to Ranma's responses trying to pry some tidbit of information earlier than it would be given to him. Ranma smiled as he spoke into the phone, "Hi, hey Rihanna ... yeah the flight got delayed til tomorrow... I was wondering if you remember one of the girls at your table last night?... My friend was hoping you'd know her name... her shoes? He's a guy how would he know what kind of shoes she was wearing?"

A flash of chocolate colored high heels with snowflakes. Ryoga interrupted Ranma, "Actually, I do remember her shoes. She took them off to do a cartwheel, and so I remember them."

His best friend was such a pussy. Ranma just couldn't believe it. He spoke into the phone, "Apparently they were chocolate colored pumps with snowflakes on them... Yeah they do sound cute... so her name was .... Kuonji?... Great! I'll let him know... umm... tonight? Well I have to be on the flight pretty early, so I won't be able to sleep over....Sure, I'll stop by tonight."

Ranma paused, before looking to Ryoga. He was going to have to back out of Foxy Boxing, but for a smoking hot, super-kinky bridesmaid, it would be worth it. Ranma said, "Sorry Ryoga, I'm going to have to skip Foxy Boxing, maybe another day ok? Her name was Kuonji, sounds like a last name."

Ryoga thanked Ranma. Ranma said good bye to the both of them, and left to meet up with Rihanna. Marshal and Ryoga shared a moment of painful anticipation, before Ryoga dialed Lum's mobile phone.

Each ring of the phone was an agonizing eternity. Finally Lum answered, "Hey Ryoga, what's going on?"

The moment of truth. She must know who Kuonji was. Lum held Ryoga's future in her hands. Ryoga said, "Hey Lum! Great wedding! Listen, I was hoping to ask you a couple of questions..."

Lum asked him what he wanted. Ryoga breathed in. Air traveled through his lungs, into his center. He imagined himself as solid and strong as a rock. Ryoga breathed out slowly. He said, "I was calling because I met this girl last night, and I was wondering if-"

Lum started yelling on the other-side of the phone. Ryoga pulled the phone away from his ear and held it at arms length. From the phone came Lum's voice, "Just a few days ago you were begging me to bring a girl my wedding, and now you're over her?"

Ryoga, cowed, said, "I moved on?"

There was an audible sigh from the phone followed by, "Fine, who was she?"

Ryoga hoped that Ranma's information was correct. He said, "I don't have her first name, her last name is Kuonji."

Lum's voice suddenly sounded cheerful, "Oh you're in luck Ryoga! I still have the entire guest list on the ships computer..."

Relief and joy, echoed in Ryoga's eyes, his smile, even his hair. Until Lum finished her sentence, "... unfortunately, she's not on it."

Lum hung up, and Ryoga hung his head in his hands. Marshal came over to his friends side of the booth and patted him on the back. Ryoga looked at Marshal, and sighed, "I've just been saved from myself. It's fate. I'm not supposed to know who she is."

Marshal gave Ryoga a wistful half smile, "I have an idea. Let's get drunk."

***

Ryoga sits in his den, his two teenage children listening to him describe the difficulties he was having. He continues, "I thought that was it. But fate, had something else in store for me."

***

Akane sat next to Lily on the couch, wiping away the tears in her eyes. Akane's eyes were red, her lips dry. She was snotting up, and was using toilet paper as a tissue. Lily couldn't stand it any longer, "You have to tell him."

Akane sighed, looking everywhere in her apartment except at Lily. Akane was trying to rationalize a million reasons to not tell Ryoga. None of them were working. Finally, she nodded. "You're right Lily. I'm going to go tell him."

***

Marshal read the text he got from Lily. She was on her way to the bar with Akane. He texted back to her, that finding the girl was a no go. Marshal took another drink, waiting for Ryoga to come back from the bathroom.

Akane and Lily came into the bar. Spotting Ryoga walking to the table, Lily shoved Akane at him. He caught Akane in his arms. Her hands had come up to brace herself, and now rested on his chest. His arms thick and muscular drove Akane to distraction.

Ryoga asked her if she was okay. She looked up into his eyes, feral, sad, and drunk. She gathered her courage. She spoke softly, "Ryoga."

His mobile was ringing. They both tried to ignore it, but it was too loud. Finally giving up she told him to answer it. He just nodded, as he listened to the other end of the phone. His eyes widened in shock. A surprised smile came to his face. Ryoga hung up the phone and turned to Marshal, "That was Lum. Kuonji wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest. She was the caterer! Come on! I have her address!"

Marshal followed Ryoga, pausing briefly to see if Lily was coming with them. Lily shook her head no. They had another quick silent conversation. Sighing they kissed each other briefly, before going to support their best friend.

Akane cried as Lily held her.

***

The taxi cab sat outside Ucchan's. Inside, through the bay window, Ryoga and Marshal watched her work. Ryoga stared at her. Thinking of the previous night. Thinking of her hair, and her laugh. Thinking of Akane. Ryoga thought about what Akane wanted to say to him before he left.

"Ryoga, the meter's still running," Marshal prodded his friend.

Ryoga nodded, getting out of the car. Before the door closed he heard Marshal shout out, "Ask her where she ordered the cake from!"

From the car, Marshal saw Ryoga walk inside. For a brief moment the chef inside did nothing. Then she ran up to him, and they were kissing, deeply, passionately. Knowing his friend finally found a girl that was right for him, Marshal told the cab to take him home.

***

Ryoga smiles at his kids. From the open window he hears their three pigs snoring outside. He finishes his story, "And so we started dating. Aside from your Aunt Akane, Ukyo was my first big, true love, and what she taught me, stayed with me to this day."

Kibouka sighs. She gets up and kisses her father goodnight. Her brother Hogoshaku hugged his father goodnight, and followed his sister upstairs to their rooms. Ryoga smiled, thinking back to the first month he was with Ukyo.

Sometimes you can go too slow, he thought to himself. Sometimes you have to plunge in. He hopes he can teach them that. He hopes he can get them to understand what it means to be in love.

***

Author's Note: Another chapter complete. I stayed up to finish this one. I got a facebook account. I'll be throwing that up on my profile, so you can become a fan or a friend there.

As always I'll go over grammatical errors as the week goes on. Still coming up in future chapters, finding out more about Ranma's past, Shampoo, and Jusenkyo curses! Stay tuned!


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